Your Role as a Parent or Teacher

Kari has written a wonderful book on teaching writing... It is ten chapters long, including this week's introduction. She has graciously given permission for "The Sentinel" to publish it over the next ten weeks. We hope you enjoy it as much as we have!

Editor

Introduction:

How quick we are as parents or teachers to pull out the red pen and start “correcting” our children’s attempts at writing, all in the name of good teaching!  This comes naturally to most of us who had more than one paper returned tattooed in crimson!

Yet, this is one of the best ways to DESTROY the creative spirit of your writer.  Every step of the “Writing Traffic Light” needs to be celebrated as part of the process of writing.

The best way to get your children to write is for YOU to start writing.  YOU need to write using the “Writing Traffic Light” process.  Get a journal and start writing down quotes, ideas, thoughts, and memories.  Do the activities listed in the “I’m Excited About Writing, Where Do I Start?” chapter.  Do those first, then invite your children to join you in the fun!  Inspire them though your example!

Climb over the fear of writing.  You cannot show your children how to write, if you fear it.  Give yourself permission to write—tell yourself, “These first entries in my writing journal may be rough—in fact, this first writing journal is just that—my first attempt.  It WILL be jumbled and unorganized, and that’s OK!” Then start!    You may be pleasantly surprised at the words that come out when you give yourself permission to simply try.

I’ve seen the writing process come full circle.  As a child, I wrote with my parent’s help.  As a parent, I’ve done writing activities with my own children, and as an adult, I have had the privilege of encouraging my parents to write.  How has writing blessed my life?  The answer:  by learning to write and then writing to learn.  Writing has become an integral part of my life.

Writing has taught me one of life’s great lessons:  to overcome fear and to try.  I have taught this to my students and my family.  We don’t fear or feel failure when we don’t succeed the first time we try something any more.  We know that this is the first step the first try, and that we will edit and make it better in the next steps!  This has been a huge breakthrough in our lives—not just in writing.  This frees us to try ANYTHING!

Who knew all this could stem from the pleasure of a 4th grade girl who, in her best handwriting, wrote a bunch of stories, poems, and riddles into a book with a homemade cover and sewn pages.  The pride and pleasure that book has brought me is immeasurable.  That book sits on my bed stand, not as a great literary read, but as a monument of what writing can do for a child’s self-esteem.  If I help but one child feel the same joy, then I have succeeded.  If I can help others to slow down and see the great meaning in their life though the simple medium of writing, then I will have succeeded.

Next week: "Writing Traffic Light"

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kari

Back to School Days

I get nostalgic and a little sad this time of year. I think about all my back to school memories; riding the big yellow bus, the butterflies in my stomach on the first day, insisting on wearing my brand new sweater no matter how sweltering the August afternoon would be, seeing friends, meeting new teachers, the smell of new notebooks and pencils. I think back on these things with general fondness, and yet they are memories that my children don't have.

No, my children go to the same room for school every year and see the same teacher there. And it is the same teacher that they just saw at the breakfast table that morning. There is no yellow bus (although Noah did insist on going out the front door and coming in the back door that opens into the schoolroom on the first day this year). No one cares what they are wearing, only that they have changed out of their pajamas. There is no picking of desks or choosing of teams at recess.

And sometimes I wonder if that is a bad thing.

I wonder if I am making the right decision for my children in their education. I wonder if they are happy or if they just don't know any different.

And I worry...

But then I think of that dear man clad in brown that delivers our packages on our own "Christmas in July".

I think of the excitement and the chaos and the smiles and the smell of newness as we open box after box after box and arrange crisp new workbooks on our shelves.

I think of the priviledge I have of being the one to teach my children and of all the things we learn together.

And I know it is the right thing for us. Even if I don't get to wear my new sweater.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kresta

What! Adversity is Good?

by Nicholeen Peck 

We live in very difficult times.  Many people worry about what is on the horizon, and what future adversities will come. 

No need to worry.  Adversity shouldn't be feared.  It should be accepted and embraced. 

In the book Character,  by Samuel Smiles, it says:  “In fine, stability of institutions depend upon stability of character...The people may seem to be highly civilized, and yet be ready to fall to pieces at the first touch of adversity.  Without integrity of individual character, they can have no real strength, cohesion, or soundness. They may be rich, polite, and artistic and yet hovering on the brink of ruin.  If living for themselves only, and with no end but pleasure – each little self his own little God – such a nation is doomed, and its decay is inevitable.” 

So, how do we train ourselves to be ready for adversity?  How do we develop this kind of character and instill this much character in the hearts of our children? 

The answer to this question will vary slightly from family to family.  Each of us get different adversities.  However, a family can create a character culture at home which is ever learning the virtues necessary for building characters ready to withstand any future hardships. 

Our Family

My husband is a plumber.  He owns his own company, so some times we feast and sometimes we have famine.  The plumbing company was incredibly successful until January of 2009.  At which time it fell upon hard times like many US businesses.  Since then we have struggled to keep the business alive and the family afloat. We have been very blessed and have had great opportunity to teach our children much about preparing for and living through adversity.  It has been a great moment in our family's history. 

The other day my husband and I were talking about some family financial concerns.  Unbeknownst to us our daughter was listening in the other room while we decided what would get paid and what things we would have to say no to. 

Later that night I went to my room and saw a note on my bed from my  thirteen year old daughter.  I read:

“Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for all the many wonderful things that you do for us.  Thank you for music lessons and chorus, extra classes and the very food we eat.  All of these call for the one thing that we, the whole family, is short on; money.  We appreciate all the time you give us and all the money you spend to help us become better at our God-given  talents. 

We admire the faith that you have and the unfailing will to do what's right.  Though we may not express our gratitude and love very often, please know that we deeply love you and we are very grateful for everythingthat you do for us. 

Love, Paije”      

These words from my sweet thirteen year old touched me so deeply.  She really understands adversity because we have had some these past two years.  Incidentally, these past two years we have also had our most joyful family moments and have experienced more closeness than we ever knew possible.  Oh what blessings!

Adversity is teaching my daughter gratitude and appreciation.  She is developing a deeper, higher kind of love than most her age develop because we involve our children in our family finances and our family struggles.  We have weekly family meetings and regular one on one meetings which keep our family involved in family struggles and decisions.  I talk more about how we format these important meetings in my book Parenting A House United, and in my Teaching Self-Government audio seminar set. 

If we embrace adversity while raising our children, and don't shelter them from it, then we will make strong adults who are ready to face the challenges ahead.  The last thing we need is for our children to be so pampered that they “fall to pieces at the first touch of adversity.” 

Losing Your Home

This nation wide financial crisis has hit some areas of the country really hard.  I have a great friend who lives in one of the hardest hit areas.  He is a doctor, but is still losing his home.  He is taking his family of eight and moving into a fifth wheel trailer because the business made it so he lost his home. 

This family inspires me.  One day I was talking with the mother.  She said, “We are not worried.  We look at  this as a family adventure!  We are not the only ones in this country being hit hard.  We still have a great, happy family.  That is the important thing.  Where we live really doesn't matter so long as we keep focused on God and our family.” 

Now I ask you, what is this mother teaching her children?  How strong will they become?  They are building great character in the hearts of their six children. 

A while ago I also heard a story of a family in my town who sent their oldest son on his religious mission from a tent in the mountains.  They lost their home, but they kept their focus clear and their children were ready to live with purpose. 

What Should We Do

We need to keep the family communication lines open by meeting regularly. 

Live humble now. 

Talk with them about what is right and wrong more than what is easy.  Life is not and will not be easy.  Creating lives of ease will weaken the hearts of our children.

Work hard as a  family.  Plant a garden.  Build, create, and improve things around you together. 

Show gratitude through prayer to God and through words to those around you.  Praise your children more. 

Strictly live by principles so that your family has skills and character to support them in the hard times. 

The Bright Side

This article is not meant to make anyone worry or be sad.  In fact, I hope it does the opposite.  I hope it encourages you to be optimistic in the hard times and to enjoy the adversity because it is a blessing.  I hope you see yourself as raising a strong adult instead of a content child.  I hope you feel the power within you. 

We are parents now to prepare our children for even greater future adversities.  Our examples and teachings will make all the difference in their lives. 

We are pioneers.  We are the kind of people who see a need to do things a bit differently to prepare for the success of our children and grandchildren.  Make a tradition of work and character building and you make a joyful adult. 

We are not making perfect children.  There is no such thing.  “We are making joyful adults, who know what their mission in life is, and can't wait to fight for it, and have solid relationships with God and family.”  (Quote from Parenting A House United). 
 

Nicholeen answers more parenting questions for free on her blog here.

Buy Nicholeen's Book and Audio Classes here. 

Nicholeen Peck

Author: Parenting A House United

Owner of teachingselfgovernment.com

Contact: Nicholeen Peck

The Six Week Plan

Teaching school every week of the school year can really get overwhelming at times. Do you ever feel like you are trying to eat an elephant all in one bite, or was I the only one?   Occassionally you come to feel like you are “drowning” and not getting much accomplished in any thing you are trying to do.  Do you sometimes feel like you and the kids just need a break from it all?  That all you are doing is existing day to day? So, what can you do?  

After many years of experimenting, and studying how colleges and successful private schools ran, I finally“molded”  a formula that gave our family less pressure and stress and brought with it a couple of added bonuses:  we were more refreshed and organized and we were having fun again.

It's called -  “The Six Week Plan”  

First: I wrote out a simplified outline of the goals I hoped to accomplish for the new school year.  Over the summer I noted what interests the kids seem to have right now,  as well as what “busyness” were part of their daily schedules – cub scouts, mutual, music lessons, sports, etc.  (I also included any of my own that might take priority during the year – holiday preparations, a new baby, canning season, etc.) Most importantly, I asked them what they wanted to learn about this year. I kept all of this in mind as I worked on my outline.

Second: I set up a file box filled with file folders, one for each month. Then behind each month would be 6 folders, each labeled – First Week, Second Week, etc.

I divided our school time into six-week increments (small bites).

We studied the basics every day of the week.  Grammar/English, Math, Reading/Phonics.  As the kids got older the english was divided as well. The mechanics or grammar was a constant learning experience. We would start with spelling words from their lists on Monday, use the words they struggled on during the week in our writing, as well as the new ones we would be learning about in our other studies, and then “tested” them on Fridays.   English would also be divided into so many weeks of poetry, vocabulary building, mythology, literature terms, speech, drama, etc.  Some topics would be 6 weeks, 8 weeks or even 12 weeks while others were only 2 weeks, like the study of Aesop's fables.  I went to the back of whatever math book they were in and divided up their lessons to fit into our schedule.  Typing/Keyboarding can easily be added as the need arises.

Mondays and Fridays have slightly different schedules from the other days of the week. After the weekend the house needed it's “matter re-organized”. So on Mondays, since caring for our home is also a part of our learning, we did our basic subjects listed above (on kind of a shorten bell schedule), then armed the troops and generally conquered our house duties in a short time. After that if there was time we might do some of those lighter subjects like music appreciation, computer study, an extra art lesson, or perhaps a fun PE like activity like Soccer.  This schedule also would allow time for those in charge of Family Night  to get prepared, leaving the rest of us free to take care of the evening chores and meal in a timely fashion so we could start Family Night on time.

On Fridays we might slip in a co-op learning experience once a month, whether with a formal group or by invitation.  We might decide we are learning about a certain thing in science that would be more fun sharing with a group of kids than just us and would call another family to join us. Or we might schedule in a trip to the library, a field trip, nature walk, or a Konos day where I might turn the living room into the rain forest we have been studying about.  The list of possibilites is endless.

THIRD: Now for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday        

                                        SCIENCE * HISTORY * GEOGRAPHY * MUSIC * ART

Now I have tried doing certain subjects on certain days and that was okay but we REALLY enjoyed and learned the most from studying with this approach:

2 weeks Science
1 week Geography
2 weeks History

We often mixed in Music & Art Appreciation/Instruction several times a week and worked in other opportunities in our lessons as I enjoyed teaching these subjects often as Unit Studies. 

Studying these subjects this way allowed us to really get “into” what we were studying.  I found the kids really enjoyed learning this way.  They could do all sorts of fun projects and really explore their interests. 

FOURTH:  What about the 6th Week?  This is YOUR week and a break for your kids' week.
Use the week:

• To get prepared for the next 6 weeks, make a list of things to get, library books to take out, copies made and time to look over what you will be teaching.  Place all of this into each appropriate week in your files. (The nice thing about this is that you still have your master plan and you know what you will be teaching. IF you should happen to come across some really cool treasure to go with a future study then you already have a place for it and you can just “plop” it into the correct month file and forget about it.

• To catch up on a much needed cleaning project

• Catch up on some home improvements or repairs

• Do your own personal studies

• Work on a special creative project

• Relax with a favorite book

• Work on a favorite hobby

• Catch up on your mending, ironing or sewing

• Work on a few extra freezer meals for those really crazy days
   
• Go to lunch with a friend or even a date with your husband!

For the kids:

• They can work on their scout or Young Women's projects

• Their favorite pasttimes they don't always have time to persue like building with Lego's, making puppets and putting on a show or playing hard outside

• Extra time to practice their music or favorite sports

• Together activities:  Special field trips, picnics, nature walks, star gazing, making play dough, or building something awesome.  It is amazing what this week will give you!

The rules are simple - they can't sleep all day or play electronics.  I encourage them to read and challenge their imaginations and to get plenty of fresh air and sunshine.  

The 6th week gave us the “down time” we all needed, yet still gave us the feeling we were still “working” on important things.  It was a week “off” of our daily routine and the atmosphere at home was much more relaxed and enjoyable.  Isn't that something we are all after?

So maybe we don't have to eat that elephant all in one bite.  It's okay to jump out of the  daily “rut” and give ourselves a little break.  I promise you will still accomplish all that you need to get done and probably more and that you will look forward to  the school year and enjoy the journey together.   Have fun!

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Starla

Tips and Tricks from an Old Dog

by Doreen Blanding

There are a few things I’ve learned over the past two decades of homeschooling six very different children.  I would love to pass some of this knowledge along to other homeschooling moms and dads.

You’re not very smart

I’m no longer insulted when my junior high student says, “Mom, I have a math question, I’ll go get the answer book,” or worse yet, “I can’t finish my math because I have a question that you can’t answer. I’ll just wait for dad.” But the worst is when they say that and end it with, “I’ll just wait for Jason.” Jason is my math genius.  He didn’t get that from me, but from his dad.  He is still living at home and going to a local college where he is setting the curve in his math classes.  I wish I could take credit for that, but I can’t. That boy sure did teach me a few things and one of them is not to be insulted because I don’t understand something. I still remember when he took his geometry test book (in which he was behind a couple of days) and took the test in five minutes and didn’t miss a problem. I knew then that he was way beyond me.

Drummer drum

Jason also taught me that kids march to the beat of their own drum and sometimes that’s literal.  When he was a little kid he couldn’t spell the simplest of words and it was driving me crazy.  He would have a word memorized one minute and then ten minutes later not know how to spell it.  One day while drilling him, I saw his foot tapping the ground in perfect rhythm.  I told him to stop it, it was driving me crazy.  How could he concentrate on spelling if he was tapping his foot? He stopped only to start tapping his finger on the table. I told him to stop and so he switched to the other hand.  I almost left the room screaming, but instead I took a breath and said a silent prayer, “Dear Lord, help me not to beat this child.” My answer was, “This child needs to move in order to learn.”  That was the beginning for him. He took off like leaps and bounds because I let him move his body while he was studying.  He would jump on the rebounder (a little trampoline), or skip rope, or tap his foot or his fingers.  A few years later we bought him a drum set and he loved it. He still drives me crazy when he taps his finger or pencil while studying, but I just bite my tongue and remember that he is processing something very important. I learned that sometimes a quick prayer gives us the right answer. Sometimes we have to let our children learn in unorthodox ways.

Give ‘em a minute

I just love it when my kids say, “Mom, how come you marked number 15 wrong? It can’t be wrong; I went over it and over it.”  I remind them that I correct a lot of different papers throughout the day and I don’t recall what “number 15” is.  They usually catch me while I’m making dinner or busy with something else and yet they want me to stop and help them.  Instead of dropping everything, I have them verbally walk me through the problem.  Nine times out of ten, they stop mid sentence and say, “Oh, I see what I did wrong.” That tenth time, I will walk over and say, “Show me.” It is while showing me that they usually discover where they went wrong. Sometimes all it takes is for them to take a minute and try to explain their problem to someone else.

The teacher always learns the most

Another trick I have found is to answer their questions with this: “Teach me.”  The teacher always learns the most. This works very well with kids of all ages.  I’m a busy mom and sometimes I’m very pressed for time so I will have my kids read a chapter of a science book and then teach us what they learned.  I also use this trick when the math problem they are asking me to solve is something I would need to brush up on. I have them teach me how to multiply fractions or how to solve a geometry proof.  The other response I have is “Prove it.”

Show and Tell

There is nothing wrong with show and tell.  When my children were very little we did a show and tell almost nightly for dad. First I did it to prove to him that I was teaching his children, but later I had them do it to see what they learned and what they missed from the day’s lessons.  My college son told me one day that he wished I would have given him more tests and grades.  I told him that I tested him almost daily. “Remember how I had you tell dad each night what you learned? That was a pop quiz.” I did give the kid tests and grades. He just didn’t ever see them.  My children are a bit old for show and tell, but I love listening to them discuss some pretty heavy topics around the dinner table.
  
Family Home Evening

I had been homeschooling for only a few years when a fellow homeschooling mom confessed to me that they didn’t do Family Home Evening on Monday night.  She said, “I feel like I’ve done family night all day long and I’m just so worn out that I can’t do one more lesson.”  I thought a lot about that statement.  She was right; I spent a lot of time doing Family Home Evening type stuff all day long and doing it one more time when everyone is cranky was a chore.  But then I thought of the blessings the Prophets had promised us when we hold Family Home Evening.  I couldn’t leave blessings on the table so I did “one more lesson” every week. I soon noticed that the kids looked forward to it as much as I did.  I also noticed that this was the one lesson where dad was with us and if we planned ahead he would even teach the lessons.

It has been about fifteen years since that conversation and I look at what weekly Family Home Evening has done for my family. We are a stronger family because we did that “one more lesson.” My kids know the gospel and if they have questions, the know where to find answers. They know how to teach a lesson because we take turns.  I honestly don’t know where that other mom is or how her kids are turning out. I’m no saint, but darn if I’m not seeing the blessing of holding “one more lesson”.

Finally, I have time for one more tip: be willing to let the Spirit guide you. Every one of the tips I’ve shared here, I learned because I was taught because I was flexible in the teaching moment and willing to let the Spirit take me somewhere different. If you remain open to promptings then I’m sure you will discover many tips of your own.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Doreen

Loyal to the Royal within You

As reporters followed William and Catherine, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, across their recent trip to Canada and into California, I admit I was captivated.  I enjoyed looking at the photos and reading of what they said.  Kate is so lovely, William so chivalrous.  While I couldn’t care less about the names of fashion designers, I do appreciate the striking wardrobe—and speech and manners.  In a word, Will and Kate are refined.  They know who they are and who and what they represent, and that knowledge guides them in their careful choices and presentation of themselves.

In a speech delivered at BYU, President Harold B. Lee related the following story.  “One of our Latter-day Saint men during World War II was over in England.  He had gone to an officer’s club where they were holding a riotous kind of celebration.  He noticed off to the side a young British officer who didn’t seem to be enjoying himself at all.  So he walked over to him and said, ‘You don’t seem to be enjoying this kind of a party.’  And this young British officer straightened himself a few inches taller than he was before and replied, ‘No, sir, I can’t engage in this kind of a party, because, you see, I belong to the royal household of England.’

“As our Latter-day Saint boy walked away he said to himself, ‘Neither can I, because I belong to the royal household of the kingdom of God.’”

Do you know who you are?  Do your children?  Who and what does your family represent?

Most important is your representation as a son or daughter of God and a member of His church.  You’ve taken His name upon you.  For better or worse, what you say and do, and even what you look like, has an impact on the impression others have of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Each of us also represents other people and organizations as well, from the companies we work for to the friends we associate with.  There are times I talk to my children about our family name.  I’ve expressed that there are certain behaviors and attitudes that a Takis should never engage in.  Our name means something.

In his same speech, President Lee shared something from a young woman’s talk that he thought meaningful:  “She was out with her father in the country where they lived, helping him with the chores.  They made their living milking cows.  At four o’clock in the morning, as they began their work, the father said to her, ‘My girl, you are the product of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and you are also the product of a Latter-day Saint home.  If you fail, your church and your home have failed also.’  And then the girl added, ‘That was impressed upon my mind, that I had a responsibility to the church to which I belonged and the home from which I had come.’”

One representation we all have in common is that of the worldwide group of homeschoolers.  Probably all of us know someone who has based their entire opinion of homeschooling on their observations of just one family, good or bad.  So, whenever I set things up in the community and/or attend events in the public eye, I make extra, extra effort to ensure that my communication, actions, and appearance are impeccable—as well as that of my children and any others we may invite to accompany us—because everyone knows we are homeschoolers and the impressions we make will reflect on every other homeschooler.  I want to be certain that all who meet my family have a positive view of what homeschooling—and LDS homeschooling at that—looks like.

Just as important as any education in mathematics and language is an education in manners and behavior.  I’m not advocating Victorian rigidity or that which encourages snobbishness and class separation, but a training in courtesy and character; genteel discipline in communication with others as well as respectful habits in conduct that reflect an awareness of one’s duties toward others and a sense of representation.  Philosopher Samuel Smiles once said, “It is a common saying that manners make the man.  There is another saying that mind makes the man.  But truer than either, the third, the home makes the man, for the home training includes not only manners and mind but character as well.  It is mainly in the home that the heart is touched, habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character is molded.”

Wikipedia has this to say about manners:  In sociology, manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, the main informal "punishment" being social disapproval. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors. That manners matter is evidenced by the fact that large books have been written on the subject, advice columns frequently deal with questions of mannerly behavior, and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners.

Further, as the Doctrine and Covenants tells us what to study (see D&C 88:77-79), I believe that inherent in the social studies command, “and a knowledge of countries and of kingdoms,” are directions to study customs and conduct.  As verse 80 explains and Elder John A. Widstoe expounded on in the Doctrine and Covenants Student Manuel, “These studies, the Lord considers necessary. . . He expects [us] to know enough of these things to be able to magnify [our] callings as His ambassadors to the world.”

Sadly, society’s standards for protocol are slipping.  I don’t think looking to today’s “norm” in speech, etiquette, and dress as a compass is safe.  But there are still some good examples to follow, and we can always look back to better times and people to guide us.

Now you may be thinking to yourself that training your children in good manners is an obvious must, but you wonder what on earth dress has to do with it.  Let me share with you some powerful statements by Latter-day prophets.

President Harold B. Lee said, “. . . do not underestimate the important symbolic and actual effect of appearance.  Persons who are well groomed and modestly dressed invite the companionship of the Spirit of our Father in heaven and are able to exercise a wholesome influence upon those around them.  Persons who are unkempt and careless about their appearance, or adopt the visual symbols of those who often oppose our ideals, expose themselves and persons around them to influences that are degrading and dissonant.”

In a chapter titled “Be Smart” in his book, Way to Be! President Gordon B. Hinckley wrote , “It is not only in getting an education that you need to be smart.  Be smart in your appearance and in your manners.  I am not suggesting that you need to go about dressed like a fashion model.  I am suggesting that you be clean and neat in your appearance, that you be gentle in your speech, that you be courteous and respectful in your manner.  So many people in our society today are sloppy in the way they look and in the way they behave.  Sloppy dress signals sloppy ways and sloppy thinking.

“As a boy, our parents insisted that we dress neatly for school.  No untidy appearance was tolerated.  The boys wore a shirt and tie and short trousers.  We wore long black stockings that reached from the foot to above the knees.  They were made of cotton and wore out quickly, so they had to be darned frequently.  Even we boys learned how to darn because it was unthinkable to go to school with a hole in our stockings.

“I realize those days are long gone.  But they taught us something.  We learned a lesson on the importance of being tidy and clean, a lesson that has blessed my life ever since.  Because if we are neat and tidy in small ways, those habits carry over into larger areas of concern that have much greater and more long-lasting impact.  Just as sloppy dress signals sloppy ways and sloppy thinking, a neat and well-groomed appearance indicates competence and dependability.” (See pages 30-31)

I was talking with a ward member the other day about how much my boys love baseball.  She made an interesting comment which has set me thinking.  She remarked, “Well, it’s been bred into them.  They’ve been groomed for it.”  I’ll save the discussion of being raised with baseball for another day.  But I don’t want to ever disregard the question of what my children are being “bred” or “groomed” for.  I want to always be aware of what they’re being taught and for what purpose.  Whether it’s “Please” and “Thank you,” punctuality, “Excuse me,” respect for places and property, or combing their hair and not wearing pajamas to the library, manners matter.

President Lee mused, “I am reminded of the old court jester who was supposed to entertain his king with interesting stories and antics.  He looked at the king who was lolling on this throne, a drunken, filthy rascal, doffed his cap and bells, and said with a mock gesture of obeisance, ‘O king, be loyal to the royal within you.’  And so I say to you . . . remember your heritage, and be loyal to that royal lineage that you have as members of the church and kingdom of God on the earth.”

Do we know who we are?  Do we represent well?  Elder L. Tom Perry indicates how we can tell:  “Surely there would be an obvious difference between one who is attempting to conduct his life as though he were a citizen of the kingdom of God, and one who is conducting his life by the standards made by man.  When a person determines to live a higher law, there should be a visible difference, a marked change in his appearance, his actions, the way he treats others, and the way he serves his fellowmen and his God.”  (Doctrine and Covenants Student Manual, p. 199) Let us cultivate and polish ourselves, that we may each be admirable ambassadors of ourselves, our families, those we associate with, and most importantly, the kingdom of God.

“Be Loyal to the Royal Within You,” devotional address given by Harold B. Lee at Brigham Young University, 11 September, 1973. http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6060

Hinckley, Gordon B.  Way to Be!  New York:  Simon & Schuster, 2002

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Sasha

I’m So Glad When Daddy Comes Home

This is a song I sing a lot.  As I spend the entire day every day with our five children, sometimes going days without ever leaving our property, I always look forward to Daddy walking in the door.  At times, I anticipate the moment so I can hand off a fussy baby, other times so I can relate some funny or insightful comment that one of the kids made that day.  Sometimes I look forward to his homecoming because I have issued an earlier “just-you-wait-until-your- father-gets-home” warning and other times I am just relieved to have another adult home so I can use the bathroom!  Whatever the reason, Daddy’s homecoming each evening is always a much-anticipated event.  And, if your house is anything like mine, time spent with Daddy at home always seems short.  The Daddy that lives at our house is a busy marketing associate who works hard to provide for us; he is a volunteer firefighter who is always on call to rush to the aid of those who need him; and, if that is not enough, he is the young men’s president, responsible for all the boys ages 12 to 18 in our ward. 

Our Daddy is a very busy man and most of the responsibility for teaching the children falls upon me as the mother.  The Proclamation on the Family states that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.  Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children ... In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”   I have found myself struggling through the years to work out ways to include my husband in the education of our children and in other responsibilities at home.  Three practices have stuck and have really made a positive impact as we strive to support one another as our children learn at home.  Regular father’s interviews, dinnertime discussions about the learning of the day, and ‘dad homework’ allow Daddy to keep abreast of what the children are learning and also serve as ways that Daddy can support me in my role both as mother and as teacher. 

Father’s interviews happen the first Sunday of each month at our house.  To be honest, I don’t always know a lot of what is discussed at those meetings but I know that each of our children is called into Dad’s office for some one-on-one talks.  I know that they talk about what they are learning in their schoolwork and about other things.  The message this sends to the children is clear.  ‘Dad loves me, is concerned for me, and is interested in what I am doing.  I am important enough to him for him to schedule time for me on a regular basis.’  It also establishes and reinforces communication.  The kids grow up spending regular time talking to their Daddy alone, which hopefully will keep the lines of communication open for them as they grow older.  Also, these regular appointments help to keep Dad in the loop.  He is aware of what is going on and can back Mom up when necessary.

Another tool that we use to involve Dad in the teaching/learning at home is through our dinner discussions.  Often Daddy will ask, as we sit around the supper table together, “what did you learn in school today?”  As each child takes their turn relating something from their studies, Dad is offered insight into their learning and the day’s lessons are reinforced in the children’s minds as they reiterate what they studied.  Listening in on this conversation can help me, too, to know what my children are understanding and what facts they may need to review.  My favorite story from these dinnertime discussions happened when a preschooler told Daddy about the “giant salamis that are taller than our house and can destroy whole cities!”  An older sibling had learned about tsunamis in science that day and this little guy was very interested as he overheard the lesson!   

The third practice that we have found helpful in our home is to save a small part of the day’s lesson for Daddy to teach or review in the evening.  At our house, that is often math as that is definitely not my forte.  Our older children need Dad’s help in understanding a math concept on a regular basis.  However, Daddy also listens to the younger children read and that creates priceless time for them to cuddle on his lap as he praises them for their progress.  It is surprising how easy it is to find a learning task that Daddy can help with that will only take 10 to 15 minutes after dinner.  In this way, he is able to participate in both the responsibility and the reward of teaching his children.  And, let’s face it, sometimes the children just need to have something explained to them by someone else for it to stick. 

Even though I am primarily responsible for the academic learning in our home, my husband is still the head of the house.  He, as a priesthood holder, is the leader in our home and an important teacher in the lives of our children.  He is the one who leads us in family scripture study and who presides over family home evening.  I am so grateful for the hard work that my husband does and all the time he spends away from home so that I can have the blessing of staying at home and teaching and nurturing our children.  While there are the occasional days that I may fantasize about trading places with him for a few hours, I feel like I have such a privilege in watching my children learn and grow every step of the way.  I want to share that joy and opportunity with him whenever I can.  Yes, I’m so glad when Daddy comes home!

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kresta

“Give Me [Tree Bark], Or Give Me Death”: Liberty Yesterday And Today (LDS version)

by Nicholeen Peck

No speech has ever stirred the American people so much as Patrick Henry's “Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death” speech.  No matter if I see a professional orator perform it with eloquence, or a young child reciting that speech, it touches my heart with goodness and purpose.  The United States of America was built upon these two feelings and Patrick Henry's speech.  

Henry's cry for liberty started a world wide movement toward governmental freedom, spiritual freedom, and personal freedom. 

Liber, Liberty, and Freedom

What is liberty?  Years ago I attended a seminar called “The Liber” by a professor named Dr. Shannon Brookes.  Dr. Brookes explained that before books and parchment, there was tree bark.  Only a few people in each community could read or write the tree bark documents they had.  At the time tree bark was the most logical, and simple method of communicating for business, politics, and religion with other communities of people.  The word for tree bark is liber, and the people who were privileged enough to learn how to read it, write on it and speak what it said to the community were called “Liber” as well. 

The Liber knew more than anyone else and shared his knowledge with all.  He was the main source for the community's freedom since he was the only one educated in the liber arts.  And, as we know, education is freedom. 

Since that time liber has been the root word of many words which lead to freedom: liberal arts, libros, library, and liberty to name a few. 

It is very fitting that in United States history, liberty started with a speaker, Patrick Henry, and a document, The Declaration of Independence, which was signed by all the delegates from our large communities called colonies.  Liberty has always been born the same.  The founders of the United States of America were liber. 

Standing For Freedom

Once a person, or a people become more liber they will not accept any system, except a free system.  When I say “free” I don't me consequence free.  I mean open, intelligent, and not-controlling.  A system based on self analysis and self-government.  That is what our country was built upon.  The idea that all good people try to govern themselves with correct principles. 

“Remember in 1831 when the famous French historian Alexis de Tocqueville said:
 
“I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her commodious harbors
and her ample rivers, and it was not there; in her fertile fields and
boundless prairies, and it was not there; in her rich mines and her vast
world of commerce, and it was not there. Not until I went to the churches of
America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the
secret of her genius and power. America is great because she is good, and if
America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.”

(Elder L. Tom Perry, “God’s Hand in the Founding of America,” New Era, Jul 1976, 45)

George Takes A Stand

Imagine yourself sitting in session with the First Continental Congress.  You are meeting with people like John Adams, Benjamin Frankin, Richard Henry Lee, and Thomas Jefferson.  You and all your fellow delegates are in business attire, ready for a full days debate, when through the door walks the war hero, George Washington, in his military uniform.  What could it mean? 

George Washington was making a statement.  He was saying that he was ready to fight against the British to get his liberty. 

Another large part of the continental congress meetings was drafting a document which would declare our independence from Britain.  The Declaration of Independence was written for the congress by Thomas Jefferson. 

The United States of America began it's fight to become an independent, liber, country with some writing on a piece of paper and a man ready to fight for the freedoms the document declared if necessary.  Tree bark works again. 

Note: At a constitutional studies class I attended a few years ago, the instructor said that only about four percent of the current United States population has actually read the whole Declaration of Independence.  Take a minute or two to raise the percentage. 

Same Story, Another Era

Many many years before George Washington, Captain Moroni did the same thing George Washington did.  He wrote the Title of Liberty, and put on his military uniform, to show he would fight for  his liberties if it was necessary.  Incidentally, Moroni was also fighting against a man who wanted to unlawfully become king of his people.  Same land, similar dispute, but a different time. 

Alma 46

12 And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

13 And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land

In true tree bark fashion, Captain Moroni went from place to place sharing his message about Liberty.  This many years later, he is still an inspiration because of his goodness, his purpose, and his stand. 

The words on the title were not complicated.  He simply declared that he waned freedom of religion and peace for their families. 

Freedom For Families

Freedom for families has always been a concern.  It is an ongoing discussion which includes people of all ages and throughout all times.  It is especially important to discuss freedom for families in our world today. 

Our families are in bondage.  Not to some king, or cruel master.  We are in bondage because we are not obedient, and give in to our weaknesses.  We are under attack in the walls of our own homes.  Confusion, distraction, and selfishness abound. 

Think for a minute...what are your weaknesses? 

How do these weaknesses affect your family relationships? 

Who is the enemy this time?  You could probably name a few people as 'bad guys,' but in reality, the ultimate 'bad guy,' Satan has turned us all against ourselves.  He confuses us and instills anger and dishonesty in our hearts.  He encourages us to judge, and hate one another, and to turn our backs on the most important organization we have in life; the family. 

Captain Moroni was willing to lose his life to protect his family.  We need to do the same.  We need to lose all the confusion, comparison, and contention of daily life, and become united families instead. 

Our free country was built upon the principles of self-government.  Our founding fathers fought for years to defend the right to self-govern.  Now, we, not too many years later, spend most of our time fighting because none of us know what self-government is.  We need to take back the self-government our founding fathers fought for by taking back our agency. 

We get to choose how to behave, and what our relationships will feel like.  Even if another person wrongs us, or is unkind, we get to choose our reaction, and in so doing our peace and happiness. 

What To Do About It?

What can we really do to start our families on the road to liberty and self-government?  The answer is; become liber again. 

Who are you?  What is your battle cry?  What will you fight for?  Make a statement. 

We have a family mission statement which we say each morning after family prayer.  We wrote it, we read it, we say it, and we live it.  It goes like this:

“We the Peck family, will love support and be united with one another.

We are dedicated to building an atmosphere of trust, faith, and learning in our home.

We spread love and happiness to others.

We know that we are children of God and endeavor to return to his presence as an eternal family.

We have patience and wisdom in our relationships.

Heavenly Father guides and loves each of us so that we can fulfill our life’s missions.” 

When our family says this each day as a group, I feel, in a small way, like Patrick Henry.  We are taking a stand, we are fighting each day for goodness and purpose. We will go against mediocrity and accepted social apathy to serve God's purpose. 

This is our liber.  It makes us free to be different than the crowd.  And, if followed will bring us social, religious, personal, family and even governmental liberty. 

I echo the words or the great Patrick Henry, “I know not what course others may take.  But, give me liberty, or give me death.” 

Because without self-government (liberty), what are we really living for?  If our purpose is the next thing that feels good, then we are in bondage forever.
 

Nicholeen answers more parenting questions for free on her blog here.

Buy Nicholeen's Book and Audio Classes here. 

Nicholeen Peck

Author: Parenting A House United

Owner of teachingselfgovernment.com

Contact: Nicholeen Peck

My First Rollercoaster Ride

Even at the beginning of my journey, I’m discovering what a confidence rollercoaster homeschooling can be. We made the decision to homeschool our kids, and it felt great. The more research I did, the more excited I became about the possibilities spread wide open before me. I assertively began telling anyone who would listen to me why homeschooling was such an amazing choice for my family. I was on cloud nine and feeling great.

At the park one day, another mother was asking me if my oldest was starting kindergarten this year or next. Neither, I explained, we were planning to homeschool. “Oh.” She said, “What program are you going to use?” Program? Was I supposed to have a program? I hadn’t given it much thought. How about the Krystal-Swan-winging-it-program? Did that count? As I struggled to give her some kind of answer, the doubts started creeping in. Was I cut out for this, really? I didn’t even know what program I was going to use. Maybe homeschooling is only for people who are super organized. I thought about how frustrating it was to spend several hours preparing fun preschool activities to do with my four year old, but when we sat down together, he wanted nothing to do with it. What if that’s how every day turned out? And I thought of the other women in my homeschool group who I look up to and admire so much, they all seem to have their acts together. They have time to do things like couponing, and organic gardening, and raising their own chickens; things I only dream about being able to accomplish. And they all have more kids than I do.  My confidence in my ability to homeschool seemed to be taking a nose dive.

I still don’t feel like I’ve been around long enough to give advice, but here are the things that really picked me up and got me back on track this time.

Prayer and faith.  

I’d considered giving up…but only for about three seconds. We have prayed about the decision to homeschool. We know it’s the right choice for us. I have faith in the answers that we were given. For us, I know that quitting is not the answer right now.

Perspective and mindset.  

What am I really trying to accomplish here, anyway? What is the “big picture”? Those are two questions I tried to answer for myself. At a Park Day, the topic what to do with your baby while you’re trying to teach the older kids came up. One of the ladies shared an article with us called The Baby IS the Lesson by Diane Hopkins. This article had such a positive influence on me. I’d been focusing on and stressing about the wrong things. I also came across this scripture in Mosiah 4:27;

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

and realized that by comparing myself to the other homeschool moms I know, I was trying to run faster than I am able.

Schedule and style.

It also became apparent that I was trying to schedule too much at once. I’ve been trying to decide what I want for preschool next year. Whether I want to keep it informal like we have been, or if I want to try having a set amount of time each day where we’d do school, with a certain list of topics to cover, and things to learn, etc. I’d seen examples of elaborate ways of scheduling a school year online, and had been attempting to copy them. If that style fit my personality type, all would be fine and good, but it doesn’t. Not at all. Once it occurred to me that instead of stressing myself out trying to keep to an outrageous schedule, I should be scheduling only what I was willing to stick to, my life got a whole lot happier.

Resources and mentors.

I’d be sunk without awesome resources and mentors. My sister-in-law, Lisa Goff (who writes The Living School Room column) is such a wonderful example and encouragement to me. Knowing that she is willing to answer my endless questions makes a huge difference. My homeschool group is amazing. It’s so nice to interact with other people who have/or have had the same concerns, questions, experiences, and problems that I have. And even if we don’t come to any immediate conclusions, we are there for each other.  Homeschool sites, blogs, and newsletters on the internet are great resources to turn to when I am fresh out of ideas. It’s helpful to connect with other homeschoolers all around the world and see what works and what doesn’t work, or to find a new approach, or an activity that’s already been planned out.

These few simple things are getting me back up to the top of the hill. Thankfully, even after a little dip in confidence, my excitement for homeschooling is still there. What kinds of things help you on your roller coaster rides?

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Krystal

Boys will be Boys...

I am the mother of 8 boys. The oldest is 28 and the youngest is five. I am also the grandmother to 3 grandsons. My boys are as different from their two sisters as to be a different species! Over the years I have learned some truths about these impish creatures.

One of the first things I learned about boys is they are noisy. They need to be noisy. Their games are noisy, their toys are noisy and they seem to need to make noise just to make noise. They make car noises, gun noises, highly annoying noises, all kinds of noises.

I have also learned boys are like puppies; they need to wrestle. And run and play and fall and throw themselves about. These physical things teach them about their own strength, how to treat others, about how it feels to get hurt and mostly about how their bodies work.

I have learned that boys like to get messy. The other day my 6 year old came in with his face and hands just caked with dust and grime. His dad pointed out to him that he was pretty dirty. “I know dad!” was the reply, like his dad was lacking in brain power, “I was playing in the dirt!”

Puddles are also a favorite. One son was unable to walk past a puddle for years without jumping into the middle of it, no matter where we were going or what he was wearing. The fact that he was wet was not the worst of it. The fact that he managed to soak everyone within a 10 foot radius was.

Boys also have an innate curiosity about the world around them. They love bugs and leaves and sticks and rocks and such. Just look in their pockets! They like the little creepy things that move faster than I do. 

I have learned that boys have amazing imaginations. They like to play real people doing real things. When we study famous men, they want to learn how to be like them by pretending to be them.

Because boys are noisy and like to be messy and love to throw themselves about and wrestle with whomever is beside them, and collect everything they find interesting, getting them to sit still for long periods of time can be a challenge. Getting them to sit still and concentrate on the busy work of school for long periods is an even greater challenge.

But as homeschool parents we can choose to treat our boys like boys. We can let them be messy, loud and obnoxious, find the puddles, and wrestle. We can send them outside to collect whatever suits their fancy.  We can let them run and play.  We can let this be a major part of their day when they are young. We can let them learn by playing a fireman, a mountain climber, or a Revolutionary War hero.

Today many feel that to have our boys waste their time on such trivial pursuits is not teaching them how to be men and be part of society. They feel boys educational needs are to learn to read early and do complicated math at 6 and physics at 7.

I disagree. I think that boys need time to learn about their world up close and personal before they should be required to learn about how it is put together. After all, they will one day be creating worlds of their own and what better way of learning how to do that than from the bottom up?

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Dana