Avoiding Crash and Burn

Today's post brought to you from the LDS-NHA archives.  

Avoiding “Crash-and-Burn” Syndrome

by Michelle Duker

It happens all the time:  Parents decide that they need to bring their children home to homeschool. They study, prepare, buy books and curricula, and jump into this new experience with both feet. Soon, however, many parents begin to worry that they have made a mistake. “This just isn’t working.” “She wants to go back to school.” “Maybe I can’t do this after all.” We have all heard of the “burnout” that can afflict home school moms; let’s call this form that crops up in the first year the “crash-and-burn syndrome.” It causes untold frustration and often leads to children re-entering the school system.

     Today’s new home school parents, thanks to the rapid growth of home schooling, know quite a bit about the technical aspects of home schooling; they've read articles, books, websites, browsed at home school fairs. But most of them are unprepared for the tremendous change in lifestyle that homeschooling entails, for both parents and children. It is important to allow plenty of adjustment time to avoid a “crash-and-burn” experience.

     Many parents are unprepared for the practical effects of moving to the “all-children, all the time” channel. Both parents and children had previous routines and habits, but the new reality of being at home all day, and being in the company of parents and siblings all day, can put stress on existing relationships.  Impatience and quarreling abound; mothers try to keep houses at pre-homeschool levels of order; some children have never really learned the principle of obedience and everyone ends up frustrated.

The prescription: proactive teaching, and time to allow relationships to grow and adjust to the new demands.

     The entire family needs to “catch the vision” of this new endeavor. Homeschooling is intensely relational; at times what is learned can be almost totally dependent upon the quality of relationships in the home. Parents can teach a strong, scriptural vision of the family, with cooperating, serving parents, and obedient, learning children, growing in love and unity, placing family relationships solidly in front of outside relationships.

     A period of “detoxification” from public school can help children adjust to a new daily routine, new expectations, new levels of interaction with Mom and siblings. Some writers suggest at least one month of “detox” for each year the child has been in the school system. Don’t stress formal learning too much in this period. Instead, this is a good time to set daily routines; establish or strengthen the habit of obedience, spend time rediscovering each other, find out what makes each child “tick," explore informal learning experiences, and pray.

     Many times, we mothers, in our single-minded pursuit of the best for our children, bring home “too much school” right away.

     Homeschooling is a new way of life. If we wanted to teach a child to swim, we wouldn't drop him in the deep end of the pool and come back five hours later. Some of our children may feel like this when, after a short break, we plop them down at the kitchen table with a list of eleven subjects! Try prioritizing. Choose a couple of challenging subjects, and a couple of fun ones. Then, when the children are successfully doing this, we can add other subjects. Do remember--you do not have to do it all the first year!

     Try also to keep fathers as involved as possible. Homeschooling is going to change all of Dad’s relationships too, even if he isn't doing the teaching. Take time to find out his expectations, work together as a team, and make sure he feels involved.

     How can we strengthen family relationships in the stressful period after pulling the children out of school?

     Make family worship a priority, especially daily prayer and scripture study. Seek the guidance of the Spirit, at home and in the temple. Spend time connecting, re-connecting, getting to know each other’s habits, preferences, and pet peeves. Meet discipline issues head-on. Spell out the necessary obedience and respect that will be needed in making this transition work.

     Adjust expectations. "Hannah Homeschooler-Forever" may appear to have perfect children, perfect house, perfect everything. You will not. (She doesn't really either). Get used to it. The kids will squabble, the laundry will never get done, you’ll forget to put dinner in the crock-pot, your mother-in-law will insist on calling in the middle of spelling. The children can, and will, learn anyway.

     The first year of bringing the children home to learn will be full of challenges and difficulties. But facing the necessary adjustments with patience and faith will help the entire family to make a successful transition to a new lifestyle. One day, your new-homeschooler friends will be looking to you as an example. And you’ll be ready to pass the torch to them. 

Finding Your Voice

by Kari Berge Brimhall

Kari has written a wonderful book on teaching writing... It is ten chapters long and this is installment six. We hope you enjoy it as much as we have!

Editor

Three friends, three lessons:

Will is an artist.  He has great skill as he puts brush to paper.  His images are bright, clever, and leap off the page.  Will has always liked art.  He found his talent early.  Yet, there was a time when no money came in.  He could’ve settled for another job just to pay the bills, but, he would not give up on his art.  Sacrifices were made so he could continue painting.  He believed in his talent.  His wife, family and friends believed too.  He found his style of painting.  His determination has paid off and he now shares his unique style with the world with a successful career as an illustrator.  His works have been published in national magazines and books. 

Lesson 1:  Will never lost sight of his “style”; he had faith in his voice.

Amy is a quilt artist.  She too, paints with bright colors, this time with cloth.  Her works of art are bold, beautiful, and unique.  Amy too, struggled with finding her voice, her personal style.  She tried traditional quilting methods and decided there had to be an easier way.    Through persistence and trying new things, she found her way, and now shares that way with countless other quilters.  She brightens and enhances the quilt art arena with her unique personal style, inspiring others to add color and creativity to their lives and quilts!

Lesson 2:  Amy was willing to try new things to find her voice.

Susan has a beautiful singing voice.  She has a talent, a gift, but one that she has always developed.  There were lean years, when she and her husband were in school, new babies, moving… yet they always saved enough money to pay for voice lessons.  A dedicated husband and family supported her.  Regardless of where they lived, she has volunteered time to be in the church choir and community plays and musicals.  She developed her talent and when opportunity knocked, she was prepared to take it, onto the Broadway stage with a national touring opera.

Lesson 3:  Susan continually worked at developing her voice.

I look at these friends and wonder, “what if…”  What if they had stopped creating, stopped listening to that inner voice?  What if they had given up when the hard times came?  They wouldn’t have found “their style”.  Each is successful because:

1. They had faith in their voice. 
2. They were willing to try new things to find their voice.
3. They kept working at developing their voice.

Have you or your children stopped too soon or given up on writing?  Is your personal writing style just around the corner?  What is your writing style or your writing voice?  What inspires you?  One student is inspired by names.  She checked out a baby-name book from the library and rewrote 100+ names in her writing journal as a resource for the characters she creates in her stories.  Another writer just starts doodling and her stories naturally come out of her drawings.  A different student acts out his stories so he can really feel what his character is going through.

With all the time our family spends on writing, do we have a house full of kids who love to write?  No, but we have faith that everyone has something important and unique to say.  Do we have kids who struggle when they put pen to paper?  Yes, but, we keep trying new activities and different shapes and formats (fans, cards, stories, letters, etc.).  We keep working on our “voice”.    We have seen success as our students and children have grown accustom to the “Writing Traffic Light” process.  They have found their voice, their style.  They are comfortable in the process and write beautifully and convincingly. 

Continue to write and you too will develop your writing style!

Next week: "Learn to write, write to learn"

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kari

26.2 Miles

by Doreen Blanding

If you have studied Ancient History, in particular Greek History, you may have read about a Greek solider named Pheidippides.  Legend says that in late summer of 490 BC, Pheidippides was sent from the battlefield of Marathon to Athens to announce that the Persians had been defeated.  It is reported that he ran the entire distance without stopping and after delivering his message, he collapsed and died.  The distance from the battle field to Athens is 26.2 miles, the distance of today's modern marathon.

Road racing is gaining popularity of late with the American public.  Marathons are selling out and attracting large crowds of road racers. On any given weekend you can find a road race in your area and people running it from all walks of life and in every state of health.  Winners can cross the finish line as quickly as 2 hours 15 minutes (world record for men is 2:03:59; women 2:15:25) to 6 hours or the course limit. 

Recently I've picked up the running bug and have been training for my first marathon.  I already have my first road race under my belt. I ran the BMO Vancouver BC half marathon in May, 2010. I did pretty well considering all of the medical hurdles I was facing and that it was my first.  I am now training for my first full marathon in October, 2010; the Women's Nike in San Francisco. I've learned a lot about health, my body, and my spirit while training, but I've even learned more about homeschooling.

Training for a marathon is very similar to homeschooling.  In this two part article I will give you 26 ways homeschooling relates to a marathon.  Because I have already run 13.1 miles, I'll give you the first 13 reasons. When I finish my full marathon I'll give you the last 13 reasons.  They are in no particular order...

1. Hills

It is hard to escape hills if you are a runner.  If you live where I live you can't escape them at all.  My neighborhood is called English Hill for a reason.  I climb 414 feet in the first two miles from my front door on my daily run.  I can tell you with all honesty, there are days when I don't run all 414 feet; I have to walk some of the way.

There is a technique to running hills.  By shortening your stride as you go up you use your big thigh muscles to propel your body up the hill.  Mentally this also helps you because you keep your eyes about ten feet in front of you and you don't see how tall the hill is.  Relaxing your shoulders and letting your arms drive you up the hill also helps.  Your arm action actually propels the legs to turn over more quickly. 

When you come down the back side of the hill you have to be just as thoughtful in your technique as going up. If you aren't careful you can do some damage to your knees. Once again you shorten your stride and slow your arm swing down just a bit and let gravity assist you in coming down but you don't let it take over.  You also lean back so your center of gravity stays behind your hips so you are in control; not gravity. You also enjoy the moment of making it all the way to the top and "coasting" down the back side.

In educating our children we will face many hills. Some are huge and seem like they are impossible to climb.  Those are the ones where you need to shorten your stride, drive with the big muscles and only look ten feet ahead.  After all, you can always make it another ten feet.  Also, never be ashamed of walking the hills.  It is better to stop running and walk than to stop and quit because you went too far without a break.  Shorten the goal by dividing it up into easy segment, relax the pressure and before you know it you will be at the top going down the back side.

On the back side you need to remember that it isn't a race to the bottom. You need to keep that disciplined stride. This can be much like summer break, where things are forgotten, discipline goes out the window and it takes weeks to get back on track.  But do enjoy the break from the regular up hill fight.

2. Records

When I first started running a friend of mine told me to keep good records of my time, distance, route and general well being.  I thought she was joking, but I followed her advice and I am so glad.  When I felt like I wasn't making any progress, I noticed that I ran more than I walked. I noticed that my distance was increasing and I was accomplishing it in less time.  I noticed that my aches and pains were diminishing and that I was actually looking forward to my runs.

While teaching my children, I have kept loose records. One reason is because the state I live in requires it, but more importantly I love to see the progress of my children.  I can see where I need to tweak a curriculum to better fit one child's needs. I see when I need to push a child a bit more because it was too easy. I see where the holes are in another child's education and can design a program to better suit his learning style.  Since I have been homeschooling for 15 plus years, I can revisit something that we did with the older children and bring it back out for the younger ones.  I know that it has been so many years since we studied whatever it might be and the younger ones didn't get a chance to discover that topic.  Because I kept records and notes, I usually don't have to reinvent the wheel, I have all my stuff and I just need to present it to the children again.

3. Rest Days

In any good training program there should be rest days: days you don't run or do other types of physical training.  These days are important so that your muscles have a change to heal and relax.  The Lord even put in a rest day for us.  It is important to relax, recuperate and enjoy. 

It is also important to give our families rest days.  Taking a day off from schooling won't kill the kids and will usually give everyone a huge boost.  Our family has movie days, museum days and park days.  Yes, sometimes the movies or museums are connected to what we are studying, but sometimes they are just fun to visit without the pressure of learning something.  It is amazing to me how much our children learn when there is no pressure on them to learn.  We love rest days and I wish I could do one every week, but once every two weeks is about what we average.  Maybe this coming year we will take one day a week and rest; our mental muscles may thank us and actually do better come race day.

4. Walk/Run

When I first took up running I couldn't put a solid 30 minute run together without walking.  There is a running program out there that uses the walk/run method.  The idea is to walk four minutes and run for one minute until you can walk three minutes and run two and continue until you are running for the full five minutes.  From there you increase the amount of time you are running until you are running the full 30 minutes. Then you increase your time until you hit your goal.  The ideas is that walking isn't bad when you are out for a run.

When we homeschool we need to remember that slowing down to catch our breath or to really stop and understand a concept isn't bad. In fact many of us list "going at our child's pace" as one of the reasons we picked homeschooling as our method of education.  There have been times when a certain child needed to slow down just a bit to grasp a concept but as soon as the concept was grasped, his pace would pick up. It was amazing how much farther he can go when we take a break from running through math and instead walk for a few minutes. 

Looking back at your time in school (probably in the public school system) I bet your favorite part of school was recess.  I know it was mine (although reading hour was a close second). Why is recess such a favorite part of schooling? Because it was fun and the pressure of learning was off.  Our children need rest time from learning.  Their brains need a moment to relax and a chance to stop working so hard.  I know taking breaks in the middle of the school day is hard when you school at home. There are so many distractions for mom and kids which prevent us from getting back to schooling.  But it is important to give ourselves and our children a moment to catch our breath and let our mental muscles relax.  

5. Drink & Eat

I love water. It is my choice of drink most any time of day or year. When you are out for a run you lose a lot of water and electrolytes. If your run is longer than 40 minutes you need to have some way of drinking some water or your body starts to fall apart.  I've learned about dehydration the hard way. I never want to see another person put on a stretcher because they didn't drink water when they needed to.  I carry water with me when I run and on long runs (90 minutes or more) I make sure that I can run past a water fountain or have some water stashed out on the trail.  It is that important.

The same goes for fuel. It doesn't take long for the body to use up all the energy stored in the muscles.  In fact, for a big race we start the week before really watching what type of food we eat so we have enough fuel to finish a five hour run. Yes, that is extreme, but it is important if we want to finish the race.  During the race it is just as important as it was the week before. You need some quick energy when your legs are burning muscle tissue.  Jelly beans, gummy bears or specially designed quick energy foods are a necessity out on the road. 

When we are homeschooling our children it is sometimes easy to forget to fuel them properly. I found that out the hard way when one of my kids quit mid day because he was hungry.  I know I can go longer without breaks and I hate to break up my school day. Restarting is so hard.  I remember my favorite part of kindergarten was the snack (Graham crackers and milk).  In our house, we like to take a mid morning break to get a quick snack and to stretch our muscles.  It makes the rest of the morning go smoother and pushes the full lunch break from 10:30 to noon.  That leaves more time for studying and fun.

6. Equipment

There is a saying among serious runners:  "Pay for it at the shoe store or you will pay for it at the orthopedic surgeon's." In the past year I have purchased three pairs of running shoes. I don’t think I have ever bought that many shoes in one year, for one purpose, for myself. In fact, I hate shoe shopping.  But the saying is true.  My first pair lasted just over 400 miles and then they started breaking down. I knew they were breaking down because my knee started to hurt. I didn't just go to my local discount store to buy my shoes, I went to a running store. I asked my running buddies what type of shoes they liked. I had my foot, stride and gait check out by a professional runner. I did my homework so I could have the best fitting shoe for me. It is that important.

Having the right curriculum for your child is very important.  You need to do your homework and find what works for your child.  You may end up with different curriculum for different children.  Each child is unique, just like each runner is unique.  In my state there is a yearly curriculum fair for homeschoolers to look at and buy from hundreds of vendors.  When I first started homeschooling there were a handful of vendors and most of them were just repackaging public school curriculums for homeschoolers.  It now seems as if the world is our oyster and we can pick and choose from the very best.  When choosing your family's curricula, do your homework, ask your friends, get opinions, ask to look it over and don't ever think that you are stuck with your choice.  I've switched between curriculum mid year and you can too.

7. Mailboxes

I love mailboxes! I can always run to the next mailbox.  I can take a walk break when I get there.  In fact, when I run the river trail where there are no mailboxes I have to look for shadows on the trail or a special tree.  When the going gets tough and I don't think I can take another step, I can always make it to another mailbox.  But before I slow down and walk, I pick out the spot where I have to start running again.  This has enabled me to finish some extremely long runs.

If you haven't had one of these days, you will. Some day you will have a day that seems like it will never end.  These are the days you pick out a short goal to accomplish and when that has been accomplished, you set another one.  I remember one day when one of my sons just had the toughest time finishing his math homework.  We set the kitchen timer and worked for fifteen minutes and then took a five minute break.  What was amazing that day was to see how many more problems he got done in the third fifteen minute time period compared with the first.  We did the same thing the next day and again the next day.  We went from six fifteen minute periods to one twenty minute period in a month.  He gained more confidence when he broke it up into smaller chunks and saw how much he was accomplishing with those chunks.  Of course, the key is to set the timer for the five minute breaks and come back to work until the assignment is finished.  You don't have to use time, you can use a set number of problems or pages.  Let your child help you come up with a suitable goal.

8. Goals

When I first starting running I didn't have a goal. I wasn't in it to lose weight, although that was a great bonus. I was in it because it was the only way I could naturally relieve the pain caused by an undiagnosed tumor.  When the tumor was diagnosed, treated and subsequently shrunk, I didn't have a reason to run anymore.  I liked the fact that my jeans were looser and I loved the runner's high I experienced, but I knew that the cold wet weather of the northwest would keep me indoors during the winter if I didn't have a reason to lace up my shoes.  So I picked a cause: Team in Training, an organization dedicated to raising money for cancer research; and a goal: a half marathon. That kept me moving.  From there I was able to set both short and long term goals.

Homeschoolers need goals to.  Our goals could be getting a child through a rough year in public school or taking them all the way from pre-school to college.  I know our homeschooling goals change year to year and we take it one step at a time, but we do have a big picture goal in mind while we set littler goals to accomplish the big picture.  I do better when I write my goals down, even if I'm the only one who will read them.  I also know that when a goal touches other people's lives it is important to include them in making short term goals that will help in accomplishing the big goal.  It is from these goals that our family comes up with our curriculum as well as some great family adventures.  As someone once said, "If you fail to plan then you plan to fail."

9. Friends

Running can be a very lonely way to exercise so running with a partner is much more fun. It makes the hours go by more quickly and it also helps you keep a steady pace.  I belong to a running team that has practices three times a week. Being a very busy mom makes it difficult for me to attend every practice, but when I'm able to attend, my runs go much better and it seems to carry over into my solo runs.  I also have made friendships that will last a lifetime with people who wouldn't normally be part of my circle of friends. These friends can help solve problems, give advice, motivate me and encourage me when the road get tough and it seems impossible to go 26.2 miles.

Homeschooling can also be very lonely.  You may be the only one in your family, your ward, your neighborhood or your town who homeschools.  Finding a group of like-minded families can be a lifeline.  The couple of groups I belong to are just what I need. They fill a hole that couldn't be filled by the other social circles in my life.  They understand me and they are there to support me.  We get together for hikes, play groups, science fairs, co-op classes, mom's nights and teen groups.  We have so much more fun together. We are able to support each other, give each other confidence, bounce ideas off of one another and share concerns.  Homeschooling is better with friends.

10. Pushing Yourself

On one of my runs each week I try to push myself just a bit more than the week before.  There is always something that you can improve on: time, distance, hills, feet turnover, arm movement or even enjoyment.  Pushing myself helps me improve each week. 

Sometimes we need to push ourselves in our teaching.  I was very content to sit back and teach fourth grade math year after year.  With six kids, for quite a few years that was exactly what I was doing.  Then all of a sudden I didn't have anyone in fourth grade math anymore.  I had to push myself.  I found myself in some unfamiliar territory and I had to increase my knowledge. 

11. Have fun

There is no point in going running if it isn't fun.  I don't know why it took me so long to find out that I like running.  There is something about being in the fresh air, wind blowing through my hair, sun on my face or even the rain drops running down my cheeks, that is fun.  It isn't for everyone, but for me there is a lot of personal enjoyment in running. I've had to run through a very difficult year while going through cancer treatments, but it has been my little retreat from the pressures of the world.  I really enjoy it.

Homeschooling should be fun.  I know when I stop having fun teaching my children it is time to step back and examine why we aren't having fun.  As I look back on the past 15 years of homeschooling, I see the many fun adventures that our family has taken.  We have gone on field trips (some quite extensive) and also done some incredibly fun things at our house.  We have built a teepee, dropped eggs from a second story deck, flown an airplane, traveled the Lewis and Clark Trail, hunted in tide pools, painted fences, dissected frogs (OK, so that wasn't so much fun for me, but my kids loved it), and planted a garden, just to name a few.  I know my kids like schooling better when it is fun. They learn more and I enjoy the experience as well.  I know if it was boring I would have given up long ago and let someone else have all the fun.

12. Chafing

There is no way you can go on a long run without something irritating you.  Something is going to rub against something and you will develop a sore or blister.  There is stuff that you can do to prevent chafing, blisters and irritants.  Using the proper equipment is first and foremost on any runner's list of ways to prevent irritants.  If there is no way to prevent them, then there are ointments and tapes that can help reduce them.

There is no way you can get through a year of homeschooling and not be irritated by something or someone.  Sometimes the fix is as easy as switching curricula.  Sometimes you need to change environments, the time of day, or maybe it is even something physical or medical.  Once you have figured out how to reduce or eliminate the irritant, you are on your way to a great year in homeschooling. 

13. Setbacks

This past year has been plagued with setbacks.  I've had to stop for vacations, chemotherapy and other family emergencies.  These are part of life, but we always pick up where we stopped and move forward with training.  It is when we give up that we lose all that we have gained.  This past summer I had to slow down my training in a major way while I went through 14 weeks of chemotherapy.  I didn't stop training. I just slowed down.  Some weeks I was only able to get in one 30 minute run and others I could get three 30 minute runs in.  When my health returned I picked up my training schedule where I left off and continued training for my marathon.

I don’t know of a homeschooling family who hasn't had to deal with setbacks at least once during the year.  Sometimes it is a baby, or an illness or a family emergency.  It could be for any reason.  Sometimes  all we accomplish for that day of schooling is reading out loud to our children from the scriptures or a story book.  I know that as I have battled illness for the past year our schooling has been a bit hit and miss, but we've hit more than we've missed.  Looking back over the year, we didn't accomplish all that I set out to learn and do for the year, but we sure did cover a lot and most of it was a bit different than what I had planned.  We were originally planning to do a botany unit, but after I was diagnosed, I learned that the dirt could have given me an infection because of my compromised immune system. So instead we studied weather.  Instead of giving up, our family did what we could. We read a complete nine volume historical fiction series, watched many documentaries, did our math and wrote a little and learned a lot about service and healing.  When my children were tested at the end of the year (per state requirement) they didn't test poorly, in fact they were where they should be and my second child was able to pass the entrance exams to our local community college with room to spare. 

Unlike Pheidippides, I am training for my marathon. Because of that training, I will survive running 26.2 miles.  Some days out on the trail or road, I ask myself, "What am I doing?" Then I remember what I'm doing: I'm improving my health, raising money for cancer and enjoying the journey.  Homeschooling is just like training for a marathon. There are days when I ask, "What am I doing?" Then I remember: I'm training my children to be productive citizens, happy people, and educated young men and women.

In part two, I'll present thirteen more things I've learned about homeschooling while running around my neighborhood.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Doreen

The Perfect Anywhere-School Tool

by Katrina Fujisaka

Originally published in October of 2007 in the Sentinel

The moniker 'Homeschooling' is a kind of misnomer for me. Actually-I think it is for most of us who have decided to tackle the task of educating our children. It evokes visions of well-groomed, cheerful children patiently sitting at a table, rapturously staring up at their mother, hanging on her every word. This Wonder Mom is dressed in a perfectly pressed outfit, with her hair, nails, and make-up beautifully done. She smiles serenely at her offspring, gently and patiently leading their little minds down the path to intellectual greatness, all while supper simmers away in the spotless kitchen. Yeah, whatever.

Those of us who are homeschoolers, though, know better. I am a blessed mom, and I know it! My kids are good kids and get their beds made and bodies dressed most days without trouble. The Hallelujah Chorus resounds if their hair is combed and their chores are done. And that is just for their appearance; I am often schooling them in my jammies until well into the afternoon. Jammies are comfy; why change? I do manage to get my hair brushed most days.

The biggest reason Homeschooling is a misnomer, though, is that we are rarely at home! We can most often be contacted on our cell phones while we are on field trips or driving to piano lessons, baseball practice, or church activities. Because our family moves so often, I have spent countless hours in cars, on trains, in airports, and on airplanes with my kids. And I have found the perfect school tool that every homeschool mom should keep in her purse for such travel/waiting occasions-sticky notes!

Oh, the versatile sticky note! You can teach a toddler letter recognition. Write a set of lower case letter sticky notes and a set of upper case letters and play matching games on the car window. Mix up letters to form words on the airplane tray table. Teach number recognition the same way. Write the numerals 1-10 on "stickies" and mix them up. Then your child can place them in order on the airport floor (or other passengers' luggage, as was our case).

Older children can play wacky sentence games. Write various nouns, verbs, pronouns, etc. on different "stickies;" then have your kids arrange them into sentences. Goofier is better, as long as the sentences are correctly structured. Sticky notes are not limited to English lessons. You can drill math facts with sticky notes, too. I have even used them to make a map of the United States on the floor: write the name of a state and place it in the correct position relative to the states around it. The resulting map is weird looking and very funny to a 10-year-old boy.

With a little bit of imagination, and a whole bunch of sticky notes, you can turn dead time into unique educational fun. And when you've finished using them, wad them all up and have a paper fight with them! (Although I would not recommend doing that in an airport-they tend to frown on that kind of behavior. But then, they don't like it when you race the luggage carts, either.)

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Katrina

Be a More Inspiring Teacher

by Sue Otis

Originally published in September of 2006 under the LDS-NHA Quarterly Bulletin

Your task is not just an education. It is a religious education.

As you homeschool, you have the privilege of combining secular and spiritual education within your home. Secular education under the umbrella of the Priesthood will assist your children in coming unto Christ while advancing academically. The Spirit must be present to do this. Your task is not just an education. It is a religious education. It is an education that will allow your child to be academically advanced due to the influence of the Holy Ghost. It is the most exciting and wonderful adventure you can share with your child. What you are teaching is for eternity. You will be building an eternal relationship as you build up your child academically and spiritually. President David O. McKay taught, "After all, the technical learning is secondary, if we keep in mind the ultimate aim of the work. We must never lose sight of that. It is the Spirit which teaches the spirit." (Gospel Ideals, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1953, pg. 219).

The Lord describes effective teaching as teaching that edifies (see Doctrine and Covenants 50:21-22). To edify means to build up spiritually or to bring one closer to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. (Teaching the Gospel, A Handbook, Church Educational System, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, p. 2). All that you will do as you homeschool should work to edify. This will encourage your child to follow Christ with perfect commitment.

The 1st principle of edification tells us that each of us kept our first estate and has a divine nature and individual worth. Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 reminds us that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; while Abraham 3:26 reminds us, "And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever." The worth of your and your child's soul is the reason behind all of God's work on the earth. It is important to remember it as the reason behind what you do as a homeschooling parent. As you strive to emulate your Savior, you will support the worth of your child. Education under the Spirit will edify all involved.

Learning by the Spirit

These times of learning by the Spirit will allow both you and your child to use your moral agency in choosing the right, thus feeling the Spirit's influence. Moral agency is the opportunity to choose between good and evil according to one's desires, and is the 2nd principle of edification. The Lord will let us use this gift of agency even though it may be used to choose incorrectly; that is why the Spirit is so important during these learning times. You must have the Spirit present so that your child will know how to choose. As the Holy Ghost inspires you as a parent and teacher you willincrease your child's opportunity to make correct choices, increasing your ability to bring your child unto Christ. Your child's conditions in this life and his eternal happiness and progress will be impacted by your positive choices.

Remember, you set the example within your home of how our agency should be used. Be inspiring! Be excited as you learn together through the Spirit. Share the blessings that come through your righteous choices. During your learning time be positive, give encouragement, keep your voice gentle and calm, and build on current successes for future success. Help your child remember times when he felt the Spirit during his learning. Ask him to help you to repeat that success. As you encourage him you will help him to accept responsibility for having done a task, to develop a sense of accomplishment, and most importantly to know what the Spirit feels like in his life.

President Hinckley said "…I thought of what a great challenge this is for you to teach in such a way as to not only instruct but, more importantly, to inspire." ("A Challenging Time-A Wonderful Time, An Evening with President Gordon B. Hinckley," February 7, 2003, 1, quoted in "Instruct, But More Importantly, Inspire," by Steven T. Linford, Religious Educator, Vol. 6, No.3, 2005). The outcome of your teaching must be to inspire with spiritual power; thus you will help instill the gospel into the heart and life of your child. As you do this, your child will be edified by the light and truth of the gospel. Thus he will feel an increased desire and motivation to choose the right. Paul V. Johnson, while administrator of Religious Education for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, stated, "I really believe living the gospel is the single most important thing you can do to improve your teaching. It makes it possible to have the Spirit with you in your life as you prepare and teach your lessons and as you interact with your students. There is no substitute for the Spirit." (Paul V. Johnson, CES address to new hires, May 15, 2002 as quoted in "Instruct, But More Importantly, Inspire," by Steven T. Linford, Religious Educator, Vol. 6, No. 3, 2005)

This is an awesome and overwhelming responsibility, but the Lord promises in Doctrine and Covenants 50:22, "Wherefore, he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together." As you purify your motives and desires and come unto Christ, you will be edified to be a parent-teacher who edifies.

Trust is the 3rd principle of edification. One of the great assets you have in being your child's teacher is the relationship of trust that already exists. You can use this relationship to help your child trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5 asks us to learn to trust in the Lord with all our heart; and lean not unto our own understanding. As you display attributes of godliness and trust in the Lord, and your child sees you do that, he will learn to also trust the Lord. It will be important that you and your child form a relationship as learners-both learning from the Lord as you study together.

We need to be sure we don't get in the way of our child learning to trust the Lord. Bryce Dunford advises,” The Lord has declared that edification requires more than an inspired teacher. Students must receive `the word of truth…by the Spirit of truth' or else `it is not of God' (D & C 50:19-20). This process requires that children do more than just listen, even to a Spirit-filled instructor! Children must be given opportunities to receive learning by the Spirit of truth and should be taught how to do so. He tells us that truth is more readily learned when it is sought, and that truth is often more appreciated when it is discovered ("Hey, Teacher, You're in the Way" by Bryce Dunford, The Religious Educator, Vol. 6, No.3, 2005, pages 73-78). Be excited as you learn by the Spirit and share your excitement with your child. He will catch this excitement and want to learn by the Spirit and will be motivated to seek learning. Expect to learn from your child every day as they share what he has learned by the Spirit [AO1].

The 4th principle of edification is participation. As your child participates fully in his own learning, he will be rewarded with increased growth and development. Questions can create opportunities for your child to discover, to participate, and to reach greater depths of understanding. Discussions can be tools to inspire our children to inquiry. "The role of a teacher is much like an orchestra conductor who is there to keep order and give general direction and instruction. An orchestra conductor, however, does not produce the music. Your questions are the framework of the music of inspiration. Elder Richard G. Scott has taught, `Participation weaves the gospel into [the students'] very character.' Thus, the teacher's dominance decreases and the students' speaking, sharing and learning increases." (Richard G. Scott, CES satellite training broadcast, August 10, 2003 in Alan R., Maynes, "Creating Questions That Invite Revelation," The Religious Educator, pp. 31-41, Vol. 6, No. 3, 2005)

Live the gospel

Living the gospel requires diligence and commitment; so does participation. Each baby is born with these divine attributes. As your child holds tight to these attributes, he will be involving his heart, might, mind, and strength in all that he does and will be drawn unto Christ. This is the ultimate goal of all education, for then knowledge can truly "rain from heaven." President James E. Faust quoted Paul Harvey after he visited BYU as saying, "Each…young face mirrored a sort of …sublime assurance. These days many young eyes are prematurely old from countless compromises with conscience. But (these young people) have that enviable head start which derives from discipline, dedication, and consecration." (James E. Faust, "The Light in Their Eyes," Ensign, Nov. 2005, p. 20). You are giving your child a head start spiritually and educationally, and it will show in his countenance (see Alma 5).

The 5th principle of edification is the need to keep our eye single to the glory of God (see Doctrine and Covenants 88:67-68). As we sanctify ourselves, our minds achieve that singleness of purpose and direction. Each experience in learning and living the gospel should strengthen our yearnings to accept God, give glory and honor to Him, and to move further away from worldliness, selfishness, and sin. Our Savior showed us this example as He constantly gave glory to His Heavenly Father both in the pre-existence and during his earthly mission. He taught that as we gain in power and ability, so too must we gain in meekness and obedience.

Help your children to gain in meekness and the desire to use their learning for the glory of God and in His service as the Savior taught. Allow them ways to serve using their new knowledge and experience. As they share new knowledge at Family Home Evening, make that experience more of a teaching opportunity than a performance or competition. This is a fine line but a very important one. Allow them ways to visit the sick and the widows to share their new knowledge. Let them serve their younger brothers and sisters. Set that example constantly in your home by teaching and serving with meekness, not with performance or pride.

The 6th principle of edification is that if we are one as a family, we are God's. John 17:17-23 teaches unity. Verse 19 is especially instructive to parents for we too must sanctify ourselves so that our children may see that example and be sanctified through truth. As you are one within your family then you will be one with the Father and His Son. The Savior reminds us, "If ye are not one ye are not mine" (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27). As you live gospel principles you will encourage this unity within your home and open the gates to heaven for your child's learning and coming unto Christ. This is one of the great blessings of homeschooling. As you live these principles you will encourage your children to love the Lord and to try to be like Him.

One of the most important aspects of edification is vision: having an eternal, spiritual perspective. It is the 7th principle. Children have this perspective naturally. We just have to make sure they don't lose it as they grow. A major effect of the influence of the Holy Spirit is increased vision or seeing things more as God does. Between the years of 3-8, before baptism, your child will be watching your interaction with the Holy Ghost. As you share the influence of the Holy Ghost in your life, you will keep this eternal vision alive in your child and prepare him for baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost.

We are warned that, "If the principles of edification are violated by either teacher or student, the Spirit will be grieved and religious education, or gospel learning, will be lessened-perhaps even stopped altogether" (Teaching the Gospel-a Handbook, Church Educational System, 1994, p. 3).

Never doubt the power of the influence your example is making on your child. Your excitement for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for learning will be a powerful one for good. As you live these principles of edification, your influence will increase the influence of the Holy Ghost on your child.

Let's review briefly the principles of edification I've discussed.

1. Your child successfully kept their first estate and has individual worth and divine nature. Your child came to earth with commitment and diligence.
2. Your child has been given moral agency and the ability to choose good from evil.
3. Trust develops within members of a family when they acquire attributes of godliness.
4. Your child will grow as they participate and this growth requires effort, diligence, and commitment.
5. As your child maintains the Spirit, his vision is increased, and he has a greater desire and determination to become more like God.
6. If we are not one as a family, we are not God's.
7. As we are sanctified within our family our "minds will become single to God."

These principles of edification lay the groundwork for all you will do. Review them often to make certain you have not gone astray in your anxiousness to teach. True teaching and learning must be built upon these principles or they will not teach. Each of these principles constantly requires our very best efforts and will be rewarded with the blessings of a loving God.

About the Author

After a senior mission with her husband, Roger, and having been involved in LDS based private education for 20 years, Sue has recently made the switch to homeschooling for her grandchildren. She is the mother of 6 and looks forward to sharing her love of learning and of the gospel with 6 precious grandchildren. Sue is now writing curriculum for homeschoolers based on her years of teaching. She is the author of LINK System of Interpersonal Communication, The Learning Books and Reach for Gospel Phonics and plans many other materials. She is excited to now be involved with LDS homeschooling families.

Holding a Science Fair – A Step by Step Approach

by Starla Hale

Putting on a science fair can be a rewarding experience for the whole family.  It can be a lot of work, but if you approach it in “bite-sized” pieces it really isn’t too bad. 

Holding a science fair is a great opportunity for kids to show what they have learned and to become interested in new scientific principles by viewing what others have displayed. At a science fair students learn how to present themselves – to put their best foot forward. 

Other rewards of holding a fair are:

• A better understanding of the scientific process by doing.
• Good Sportsmanship.
• They learn to ask questions and then to find the answer(s).
• The importance of being neat, organized, and thorough.
• They learn to keep a scientific notebook. (aka Nature Journal).
• They learn to do a science report.
• They learn to organize data onto charts and graphs, etc.
• They learn the importance of following procedures.
• They learn to develop a hypothesis and then, that it’s okay if their “educated guess” was right or wrong.
• They learn to answer “why” questions with more than a “yes or no” answer.
• It develops confidence.
• IT’S FUN!

Step 1:       Develop an interest - September

At the beginning of the school year we ask if anyone would be interested in supporting a science fair.  Then choose someone to spearhead the fair and you are on your way. (Our support group holds a science fair every third year and rotates with a special geography/culture study night with our “Around the World in 80 Minutes” and the other year we have a “Great Brain Project”.  By doing one of these a year we offer those interested an opportunity to learn to present themselves before others.)

This is the time to decide - Are you going to strictly have experiments or are you also going to allow displays as well?

If you choose to have displays then you will need to set them up in a separate area to be viewed.  Sometimes this is nice for the “littler people” so that they can feel apart of everything.  Displays, if you choose to judge them as well, will have different criteria for judging.

This is a great time to help those more intimidated by science projects to feel more comfortable by having someone you know - a fun science teacher or even perhaps a couple of enthusiastic moms come and show how fun and easy science can be.

Have everybody share his or her favorite science books and/or equipment at a parent’s meeting.  It would also be good to show what will be expected as an exhibit for the real science fair. They are plenty of books on the subject and sites on line for help. 

Step 2:     Get a Commitment/Select a building - October/November
(Depends on how often you have your parent’s meeting – monthly/every other month.)

Get a commitment.  You don’t need to know what they are doing other than - display or actual experiment, you just need a commitment so that you can order trophies/ribbons and know how big of a space you will need to find to hold the fair in.  Have them fill out a sign-up sheet, carefully printing out each child’s name, age, email addresses, and phone numbers (this way you know you will get the spelling right and you can get a hold of them if needed.)

Just know that no matter how hard you try there will be somebody that will need to back out for some reason or another at the last minute.  We have had as many as 30+ entries to as few as 16. You do want to impress upon them the importance of commitment and not having to order more than is necessary and spending precious budget money.

I also encourage individual entries per child.  It is so much easier than having to share a ribbon or trophy, and a whole lot easier on the parent’s when one child wants to work hard and another does not.  We had such an example this last fair and it was a wonderful teaching lesson for the mom to use.  She had 3 boys that entered but only one who put his heart into it and it showed. He got a ribbon and they did not.  Mom was elated as a great lesson was learned through a simple example.

Find a building – somebody’s basement, the local chamber of commerce – we use one of the buildings at the fair grounds.   We have discovered that if the schools and the public can use the facility so can we.   It works out great and they have been wonderful to us.

Step 3:  Type Up Rules and Send Out to Entries, Find Your Judges - 
2 months before Order Ribbons, Trophies

This is also a great time to go ahead and type up the judging sheets and just file away with all your other “science stuff” you are gathering.  You will need to make enough copies for each judge and for each entry.  (I have attached what we did.  I just compiled mine from 2 or 3 examples I found online. Decide on how many total points you want and then add or delete from there.)  Plan on having each entry judged at least 3 or 4 times and be sure and encourage the judges to comment both positively as well as bring out one point gently for improvement.  (Do not pass out the judging sheets at this time they will just get misplaced.  You will meet with the judges on Fair day.)

Judges can be anybody who loves science.  Schoolteachers have been my greatest resource and even some of the local college professors, they love helping with science fairs.  (Just no parents and preferably nobody from your local group.)

*Remind the kids – No names on their entries! Pictures with the kids in them are okay.

NOW is the time to order those ribbons and trophies. (Check out superiordisplayboards.com  - they have great deals and variety on ribbons, certificates, and trophies. As far as display boards, you can pick them up at Kings, Office Supply Stores or just make your own.) Remember every child should get a ribbon. 

We have in the past divided up the kids into divisions as follows:

Preschool/Kindergarten   
1st through 3rd
4th through 6th
7th through 9th
10th through 12th

For the younger ones you need to decide - are they displays or experiments and how and if you are judging them.  These kids could be just displays and all receive special science certificates.  Or if you have a lot of them just have the Preschool age as displays only and the Kindergartener’s could also received ribbons.

In each division we have a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner, and every one gets a participant ribbon.  Then we take the 1st place winners in each group and take the highest point values for the trophy awards or Rosette’s.  For us, it kind of depends on how many kids are participants which way we go, Rosette’s or trophies, we have done both.

Step   4:    Extra Activity  & Cookies - 6 Weeks before

This is a good time to plan another activity for after the awards and science fair “showing”.  It is kind of like Christmas after all the presents are opened – now what? It’s rather anti-climatic. There needs to be a little something else we have discovered for the families to do afterwards. This year one of the mom’s put together Science Jeopardy.  It was great fun and we discovered just how much we knew and didn’t know! Maybe a lot of hands-on science fun? I learned to delegate this part – it was wonderful not to have to worry about one more thing and I knew it would be done. 

*Have those ribbons arrived yet?  If not, check on them now...

* Get a volunteer for refreshment’s. Don’t try and do it all yourself as you will be busy on science fair day.  Plan on camping out that day and on having some bottled water for you and the judges. (Throw in the back of the car so you don’t forget.)

If you want a decorating committee this would also be the time to delegate that. Keep it simple you don’t want to distract from the exhibits. One year we just put up end-of-the-row signs for each division with pictures of famous scientists along with a clever title like “Newton’s Novices”, “Einstein’s ….”  and a few balloons.  Again it isn’t necessary.

Step 5:       Send out reminders - 1 month before
Double-check the building situation

Time to send out a reminder to your budding scientists that there are only 4 weeks left before Fair Day!

Make sure you still have a green light on the building.
You don’t want any last minute surprises.

Step 6:      Remind the judges!  And…        2 weeks before

Encourage the rest of the group to come out and join in the fun as well.

Time to double check your stash and see that you have everything all together and what you need to have that day at the fair.

Double check with your ‘helpers’ – judges, refreshments, activity and see how things are going and if they need any help.  Again you don’t want any last minute surprises.

*Time to write up numbers to assign to each group 1- ?  You need to separate the divisions either by numbers or colors.  These are just small squares of papers or I cut up index cards into 4’s and use them. Bring a roll of masking tape, a couple of black markers, and paper clips – these are always needed. Also bring a few sharpened pencils for the judges and a calculator for you. When each entry arrives they have to sign in with you. If you have someone at each division area – you or that person will attach a number to every entry with either a paperclip on the display board or taped to the table in front of their experiment.  A master sheet of who is assigned what number is also kept. I am the only one who sees these sheets.  You will need a master sheet for each division. After the displays are set up and everyone is gone it is time to pass out the judging sheets and place by each entry.  As I mentioned, each entry should be judged at least 3 or 4 times.  Make sure each judging sheet has a corresponding number written on it.

Purchase thank you notes for the building and the judges and any of your special helpers. 

Now sit back and take it easy until “FAIR DAY”.

Use these attached sheets for the actual fair day: Judging Sheet, Schedule.

Following are a few things to remember as well:

When the judges arrive answer any questions, pass out waters, pencils and give any instructions at this time.  Also help them realize the ages on each group – this is really important.  (While the judges are doing their work. You probably only need 1 person to be in attendance to answer any questions and provide any needs the judges might have.)

While the judges are busy doing their thing I try and take the time to write out thank you notes to each of them.  Whether I give it to them then or elect to mail them out later I am getting it done while I am just sitting. 

When the judges are all through with their work you are ready to go to work so I hope you had a few energy snacks while you were waiting.  At this point you, and hopefully a helper or two (again, nobody that has a child involved in the actual science competition), tally up the scores.  You add up the scores in each area on the score sheets and then divide by the number of judges. This gives you your average for each area on the scorecard.  Then you add up all the averages on the sheet and get your total points for the bottom of the page.

I make it a rule that once I am there I am there all day, mostly because we don’t get a key and I don’t want to worry about getting back into the building. Also, others use the building and I don’t want anything to happen to any of the entries.  That would be heart breaking!

I hope this helps you in your pursuit of science.  If you have any suggestions for future articles please let me know. You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!  Have Fun!

- Starla

"Stop, Mom."

by: Angela C. Baker

Last week I had a dream that just won’t leave me alone. I want to share it with you.  In the dream I saw different children at various ages and stages who were not my own.  Some were very little about the age of three or four.  Others were about ten and still others in their later teens.  What I noticed most about these children is their imploring eyes.  I cannot forget their eyes.  During the dream I heard the words: “Stop, Mom.”  I am not sure if it was the children that spoke these words or if I just felt them, but several times as I saw these children I heard these words urgently spoken: “Stop, Mom.”   So that’s my dream and it won’t leave me alone.  In wondering about the dream, I have had a few ideas come to me.

As home school mothers we take on a pretty big load.  We want the best for our children. We want to be successful and we want our children to succeed as well.  We want to do it right.  That desire in itself is not the problem.  The difficulty is our insecurities, worries, fears, and doubts that maybe we aren’t doing enough or aren’t good enough or that we need to do more and be more than we really are.  These are the problem and they find their origin in the way we think about ourselves, our homes, our children, our home schools and the progress we think we are or aren’t making.  This is where the stress of being a home school mother is found.  This is where the ruthless drive to do, do, do comes from.  This is where we lose the joy and become trapped in the mire of stress.  And when we live in this place, what is most needful often gets neglected.  Let me share some personal experiences to illustrate.

One evening after a busy home school day, my eleven year old daughter came to me. I was exhausted and felt like I had nothing left to give.  In tears she said, “Mom, I just don’t feel like I get enough time with you.”  I looked at her incredulously and quickly reviewed the day’s activities in my mind.  I had been home all day and so had she.  Then I realized that she had spent most of that day in her room reading and doing the crafts she loves to do.  She had also “done” her school work and practiced her flute.  I had passed her room many times through out the day and she seemed happy and content.  All day I had been busy.  The day had not been too different than others as I took care of the needs, details, and responsibilities that come at me day in and day out.  Yes, I had been home all day, but I had not stopped.  I thought she had been content to do what she was doing. When I stopped long enough to look into her eyes and hear her, I found out she was just keeping busy until maybe I would have time for her. 

“Stop, Mom.  Please, hear what I am not saying.”

Another evening I was in the kitchen finishing up with after dinner chores.  The older children were at Mutual and the younger ones having finished their dish chores had gone outside to play.  I was happy to be alone in my kitchen.  Then I noticed six year old Hyrum playing quietly in the family room.  He came into the kitchen and asked me if I would play a game of TAKE TWO.  I told him I would as soon as I finished wiping the counters.  He went back into the family room to wait and I continued to work.  When the counters were wiped I noticed that Hyrum was contentedly looking at a book, so I decided to sweep the floor.  When the floor was done, I glanced at Hyrum who was still happily involved in his book.  So I thought I would just quickly put the dishes away.  As I began to put the dishes away, I heard this distinct voice, “If you continue to work in your kitchen, Hyrum will get tired of waiting for you and he will go outside to find someone who will play with him.”  I immediately stopped what I was doing and invited Hyrum to get the game.  We had a delightful time together just me and Hyrum. I cannot remember if the kitchen got completely cleaned that night, but I remember the joy of playing with Hyrum.  Something very important was happening between us as we played the game—the needful was being attended to and I found deep joy in it. 
“Stop, Mom.  I want to connect with you.”

My oldest daughter now seventeen has many times over the years said to me, “Mom, I don’t want you to be my teacher.  I just want you to be my mom.”  It is tricky to be both an educator to my own children and their mother.  When she says this, I know I have some work to do on the relationship and that this must absolutely come first before school work of any kind.  When the relationship is healthy and open, my daughter is self-motivated and focused on her school work and needs little prodding from me. 

“Stop, Mom.  See me for who I am, not what I do or don’t do.”

In the book Christy one of the main characters teaches us another aspect of what it means to stop. 

“With a husband and five children to cook, clean, wash, even make clothes for, and with no modern conveniences at all, not even piped-in water, Fairlight might have felt burdened and sorry for herself—but she did not.  Often she found time to pause in her dishwashing to let her eyes and her spirit drink in the beauty of a sunset.  She would interrupt her work to call the children and revel with them in the grandeur of thunderheads piling up over the mountain peaks, heat lightning flashing behind the clouds like fireworks.  “It lifts the heart,” she would say, and that was explanation enough for any interruption.  There was always time for a story in front of the fire with the children snuggled against her; always leisure for the family to gather on the porch “to sing the moon up.”  Fairlight told me how on the first fine spring day, she considered it only right and proper to drop her housework:  “The house, it’s already been a-setin’ here for a hundred years.  It’ll be right here tomorrow.  It’s today I must be livin’”—and make her way to one particular spot she knew.  There she would kneel and with her long slender fingers brush aside the dead, sodden leaves and gaze wonderingly on the first blossoms of the trailing arbutus” (Christy by Catherine Marshall; p. 209-10).

It is possible that the message of my dream is just for me, but I have a strong impression that it is a message for all of us.  In the busy of the day and our efforts to educate our children, we each need to “stop” more often and make more room for what is most important in our lives—the people, the relationships, our husbands, our children, the quiet, the Spirit.  Let the Spirit impress on our minds and hearts what is most important.  The world mixes this up shouting: “Be busy! Attend to the “to do” lists!”  The world measure success in outward appearances, but God’s work is people and people cannot always be adequately measured in outward ways or checked off the “to do” list.  The world moves at a crazy, insane pace ignoring the most essential purpose of our lives: people.  We can get in touch with what is most important when we stop and listen to what the eyes of our children are telling us.  It is we, the mothers, who must be the change.  There is more eternally at stake than we can imagine.  Heed the message of my dream and “Stop, mom”   in whatever form that takes for you.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page or email me directly at:angelabakerspeaks@gmail.com. Thanks!

One Done...

by Doreen Blanding

There are bench marks in every mother's life. The day she sees a + sign on the pregnancy test stick, the first ultrasound pictures, the first scraped knee, the first cub scout award, the first drive in a car when you are in the passenger seat hanging on for dear life, and the last day of homeschooling.  I have done all of these with one child and expect to do them all with the rest.  My oldest boy "graduates" in just months. Granted he has been in college for the past two years but this is his last year in "high school." I am busy doing all the "senior" things that all the other moms in the ward are doing. 

As we look back on the journey we see lots of things that we enjoyed and many things we could have improved.  I asked him the other day to make a list for me.  On the positive side he listed: "I got to learn at my own pace and learn the things I wanted to, I got to sleep more and I had a very loose schedule."  Things he didn't like were lack of social interaction and having family around all the time.  Since I need a bit more to write an article about I asked, "What should we have done differently for you."   He thought for a moment and said, "I was prepared for college. The areas where I wasn't prepared were my fault, not yours."  He felt his math skills weren't good enough and he takes full blame for that since he stopped when it got "hard."  He wished he would have written more and taken it more seriously.  But the one thing he wished I would have done more is set "hard deadlines" and be serious about them.  In my defense he did say that it would have been hard because even though I was the teacher, I was also his mother and that would have made it hard.  "Missing a deadline would get your displeasure, but I knew you would get over it and still love me.  My professors don't care."

I've thought about his comments for the past few days.  How do you prepare your children for college? How do you make them learn something when they refuse? How do you separate mother from teacher?

I have been homeschooling for the past 13 academic years: 18 years of my life.  I have taught six kids to read, write and do math.  I have taught physical science, biology, botany, chemistry, ancient history, modern history, Spanish, Portuguese, Latin,  geology, cooking, cleaning, spelling, grammar and a lot more things I can't remember.  I've taught them more than once. I have taught the things our state requires and more.  I even hired a writing tutor to help them.  I have had two sons now pass the test to get into our local community college. I did my job, or so I hope.

As a parent I joke that the one thing I fought so hard for in Heaven was agency and yet I want to take it away from my children. After all, I know what is best for them and they just ruin it by making their own choices.  One thing we cannot do is force a child to learn.  If they don't want to learn they won't.  I struggled for many years trying to help my oldest understand math.  At least he admits that it was his fault that he didn't do more to learn the lessons that were placed in front of him. The only thing that I can do for my children is present the material again and again and hope that some of it will sink in.  When I first started my journey down this homeschooling path a friend told me her job was to "facilitate her children's learning."  When my son told me that the times he didn't learn were his fault, I knew he was right but that didn't take the sting out of it.

Separating the role of mom and teacher has been the hardest thing for me to do.  My mantra has always been "Life is school, school is life."  Everything we do is about learning, therefore I'm always both a teacher and a mom.  For that reason it is sometimes very hard for me to turn off the sympathetic mom and turn on the hard nosed teacher, especially when it comes to deadlines.  My son's college professors don't care that his mother has cancer and that he had to be her chauffer and drive her to surgery.  His professors don't care that he had three other papers due or an extra busy weekend at work. 

The adjustment to college has been a difficult adjustment for my son to make, but he has made it and, thankfully, he has been passing tips along to his younger siblings and also to me. I've been able to use his feedback to adjust how I teach our other children. Life really is all about learning and together we are learning as we go.

Building a Family Culture Based on God

by Tracy Ward

This is the second article of a two part series. You can see part one here.

Sabbath Preparation

One of our favorite family activities is our Sabbath preparation. Saturday used to be a day of endless errands, projects, and shopping. We would often arrive home late Saturday night exhausted and grumpy. We decided this had to change! We now try to use our time during the week more efficiently so that Saturday is not bombarded with a huge to-do list. Saturday is now a special day to spend time together as a family, having a picnic in the yard, going fishing for a few hours, walking through the woods, reading, or working in the yard in the early hours of the day. We try to be done with all of our activities by around 3 pm. My husband prepares our food for the Sabbath, our children prepare their clothing, and we gather any supplies we may need for church. Then, after dinner we have what we call Saturday Night Devotional. We meet together for an hour or more singing hymns, reciting the poetry we have been memorizing, and reading stories from our ancestor’s lives.

Often, our children will call their grandparents or others we have read about to ask them more questions about what we read about or to simply giggle with them about a funny experience. If our children are speaking or singing in church the next day, they will also share their talk or music with us as a final rehearsal. Our children look forward to this time all week. They are so excited to hear stories about their ancestors. I carefully pick stories that teach a principle my children need to grasp. For example, stories of my grandmother having to gather the eggs of 5000 chickens, or churning butter to sell help my children to understand the principle of work. Sometimes I choose something hilarious that my children will identify with and remember forever, like my grandma trying to ride a bike for the first time as an adult and falling off in a big mud puddle. Since making these changes in our week, our Sabbath has become a day of delight to our family.

Family Night – A Favorite

Another favorite family rhythm is our Family Night. Monday nights are special nights where the only thing on the schedule is family time. My husband teaches us a lesson from the scriptures, we sing songs, play games, and talk about family issues. We use this time to teach hymns we aren’t familiar with, music leading technique, poise and skills in giving a lesson, or performing a skit or music piece. Making this time a priority in our schedules has blessed our family in numerous ways. Our fourth area of focus is looking to God for answers. If we are studying or wondering about anything at all, rocks, war, values, bugs, food, countries of the world, freedom, holidays, health, cleanliness, anything you can think of, we first look at what our scriptures say about the topic. Sometimes we can’t find anything specific and we do our best to understand the truth of the subject. Sometimes, we are surprised to find there are an abundance of answers we have never known about.

Personal Mission Preparation 

We believe God has a personal mission for each of us. One of our roles as parents is to help our children develop the faith, obedience, and talents they need to fulfill their mission. We believe a child’s education, indeed each person’s education must be undertaken in a partnership with the One who created us, knows us, and sees what we do not see. We know that if we ask for His guidance in our personal educations and the education of our children that we will be led to precisely those writings, mentors, music, books, art, and philosophies that will allow us to best serve Him. We believe that the process of education is personal and individual; each person on this earth needs to learn different things. We also believe education should always include a core foundation of truth: who we are, who God is, how to discern truth, how to make choices concerning right from wrong, how to be a wise steward, and how to be obedient to the truth one has been taught. As we learn together in our home, we look to God to direct our path and realize that each of us has a different path. After the foundational principles are learned, we may each journey toward different goals.

Meeting Challenges in Life

Many times in our lives, we know we are not up to the challenges before us. We realize that we cannot solve a problem on our own or remove the grief from our hearts. For our children it is when their favorite animal dies, a friend moves away, there is not enough money to buy what they want, or when they are asked to do something they are afraid of. As adults, we are often faced with much larger trials and fears. When we are scared, sad, in need of understanding, a blessing of health, or a temporal item, we pray about it. At times, our children hear us pouring our hearts out to the Lord. We believe this teaches them that we are dependent on our God and that we trust His will for our lives. Last year, our little girl, who was five at the time, was fishing and had not caught anything. She went away from the group and knelt down on the beach. When she returned we asked her what she was doing. She said she had been praying about not catching any fish and asking God to help her. On her next cast she caught a fish. We are grateful that a loving Father in Heaven saw fit to bless this precious child with a faith-boosting experience. 

Simple Christian Service

Lastly, we strive to live the commandments. We try to serve others as a family by taking in food to those who are sick, giving items to people who need them more than we do, visiting those who need a cheerful presence in their lives. We try to keep the Sabbath day holy. We try to base our behavior on the teachings of Christ. We do not always succeed, and this can prove to be just as excellent a teacher as when we do. Our children learn much from our mistakes as well as their own. The task of our life is to align ourselves with Christ. Through incorporating these activities and habits, we are developing family unity and allowing God to be part of our family identity. We believe that for our children and ourselves to desire the simplicity and beauty of the things of God, we must limit or eliminate the things of this world that are showy, loud, overly stimulating, and immoral. When we do not have television, video games, popular culture, and expensive recreation to dull our minds and fill our days, our spirits are free to seek for truth and enjoyment in the things of God.

Our journey to this point has brought us closer as a couple and as a family. We have learned that God has called us to be parents of our children and He expects great things from us. We are slowly becoming the people He created us to be and catching a glimpse of His vision for us. As we embrace the duties of mothering and fathering with joy, we are blessed by a deeper understanding of how even the most mundane tasks of running a home and raising a family can bring us closer to God. As our family learns to worship, trust and ultimately follow Christ we will find happiness and completeness and have a lot of fun along the way! 

For further reading, see Ezra Taft Benson, “Fundamentals of Enduring Family Relationships,” Ensign, Nov. 1982, 59

Meet the Author Born and raised in the open spaces of southwestern Wyoming, Tracy Ward has always been a writer, and is now finding a little time to put her talent to paper -- between home educating her children, violin and cello lessons, teaching gymnastics, political forums, assisting at home births, fulfilling church callings and furthering her education. In her spare time she is an avid reader, goes camping and hiking, and is enthralled with learning Hebrew and about Jewish culture. Tracy's life has been blessed and magnified by her best friend and husband, Richard, and together they have charted the blueprint for their heaven on earth. She currently resides in Idaho with her amazing guy, three adorable children, and an assortment of outside creatures, including laying hens, cats and kittens, a beautiful golden lab, and several squirrels.

Control Through Freedom

by Carol Jensen

Green bulbs are thriving underneath the mass of dead flower stalks and matted leaves just outside my front door. But I didn’t even know they had emerged until I started clearing away all the debris. My spirit swelled with a sense of renewal and rejoicing to see some chlorophyll in all that gray tangle of confusion.

Taking time during the spring season to re-evaluate our homeschools can be as invigorating as tidying a garden. We can take stock of what we did right and set goals for next year regarding weaker areas.

One of my goals every year is to help my children develop better self-control. I tire of being a drill sergeant and don’t believe its right to police their actions continuously. I yearn for them to build their own walls of restraint so I don’t have to.

That’s why this quote brought me to attention: “I have a message for parents about the education of your children…We develop control by teaching freedom…When one understands the gospel, it becomes very clear that the best control is self-control. It may seem unusual at first to foster self-control by centering on freedom of choice, but it is a very sound doctrinal approach.” (Boyd K. Packer, Conference Report, April 1983, p. 89-92)

Alma understood that. He understood that a man could be punished (or rewarded) for his actions, but that he must be left free to choose. When he encountered Korihor, he wrote, “Now there was no law against a man’s belief; for it was strictly contrary to the commands of God that there should be a law which should bring men on to unequal grounds. (Alma 30:7, emphasis added) Dictating someone else’s actions for them subjects them to a master and binds them from growth. It’s as if a web of decaying stems and branches holds them captive and shades them from the light.

Like my tulips, children are beautiful behind a retaining wall where they are protected from invasive weeds, but they would be stifled if I left the tightly woven nets of overgrowth covering them. When I cultivate them each year, I release them to thrive.

But balancing requirements with choices is tricky. How do we guide without forcing? The key is accountability. A child should know that whatever decision he makes, there will be a clearly defined outcome. He will develop self-control as he seeks the reward and avoids the punishment. A few ideas below show how this can be accomplished:

• Where possible, have a “curriculum council” to get the students’ input on which books to use for the school year. Children are more likely to choose to complete the work if they had a voice in its selection.
   
• Consider letting the children decide how they will learn. For example, can they set their own study methods, hours and places, due dates, and means of presenting what they have learned? Reinforce their choices. If they meet their plan, reward them with something you have agreed on together – a field trip, a toy, a vacation, a tool. But be sure to also tell them in advance what consequence will occur if they fail to complete the work as outlined. I knew a family that asked their children to pay out of their allowance for any uncompleted texts at the end of the school year. The students always finished before the year was up.
   
• Invite students to write their own contract for the school year, specifying how much they will study, what privileges they will earn, what responsibilities they will hold, and what restraints they will encounter for non-compliance.
   
• Consider curriculum choices that induce the students to ask questions, seek out answers and apply understanding rather than repeat rote facts.