Oh, what do you do in the summer time?

Oh, what do you do in the summer time?  Yes, those are words to a fun Primary song, but for some with the long “lazy” days of summer in full swing they could be a song of lament! Oh, what do I do with my children in the summer to add a little fun and pizzazz to our days? Here are a few ideas to help get the juices flowing.

One summer we studied Indians and decided we needed to spend time being Indians.  First we made a tepee out of PVC .   We took lengths of PVC, drilled holes in one end and tied them together.  Then we set it up by splaying out the other end.  I took muslin fabric and sewed several pieces together to make a cover.  The kids decorated it with Indian designs like a real tepee.  What I thought was going to be a onetime event of being Indians for an evening turned into a regular Friday night activity for the rest of the summer.  We even cooked our dinner over the fire every Friday, some night just hot dogs and other nights we cooked stews, corn on the cob, potatoes and other fun stuff.  You can do this with other historical time periods and places.  The only limit is imagination!

 Another idea for summer is to use the time to do all the art projects that have sat in the closet all year. With the slower pace of summer kids have time to really get into creating.  My kids have created all sorts of indoor arts and crafts projects like paper flowers, pipe cleaner dolls and clay projects.  There are lots of others!

They have also created outside works of art like forts, costumes and accessories to play their favorite games.  They have also created cities with cars and such in the dirt.  They have drawn elaborate bike courses with chalk, cones and other barriers. It is amazing what they come up with when given the time and materials.  Painting the sidewalk with water and old paint brushes is something little kids love to do. I love it because there is virtually no mess!

Gardening can be another inspiration for summer fun.  Not only can you plan kid’s gardens as part of your regular garden space, but you can create interesting separate gardens just for them.  This year my boys and I have created plant forts that we are watching grow. We planted sunflowers in squares of about 5 feet on a side.  As the sunflowers grow they will form a wall that will shade a lucky young man and provide a place to play, read, or just hang out.  We are also growing morning glory tepees and training the morning glories to grow up bamboo stakes to again provide a shady place to relax on a lazy summer afternoon.  The book “Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots” by Sharon Lovejoy has other great ideas.

One last idea is nature notebooks.  Charlotte Mason was a proponent of nature notebooks as a way to teach science and other principles to children. "To look at it is something, but its spirit will not come at once; you must look long enough, with a child's forgetfulness of time.  Gazing for long, though, becomes tedious; you begin to think of the dinner-hour.  But to draw it is to caress it; all the difference between staring at a kitten and stroking it; between watching a game and playing it. That is why it is worth learning to draw”. (“Parents Review”) This can be done at a local park, your backyard or another place where your children can sit and study without interruption.  A nature notebook can be a journal of the pleasant things of summer to look at again in the cold of winter.

Hopefully this has started your creative juices flowing with new ideas for you and your children this summer.  If you have an idea that worked for you, please share it! We all love new ideas!

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Dana

The Magic of Back to School Sales

After many years of home schooling our kids, I think the hardest part for them to overcome was the feeling of loss, or perhaps a little bit of emptiness, at the end of the summer. The feeling that they were missing out on some kind of “pre” school magic at the end of July and beginning of August. 

Their friends in the neighborhood, or especially at church, would all be talking excitingly about going with their moms and choosing new outfits, or sharing the excitement of heading off to the stores to buy those cool gadgets and supplies for the new school year. Those were the times that they would maybe feel that slight regret that maybe...just maybe they were missing out on something special. 

Then it hit me -WHY? Why can't my kids get excited about their new supplies, or going with mom and getting something new? We didn't have to get anything extravigant or expensive. It was just the act of going with mom and feeling special and getting to help choose some of their supplies. What better way to get them all geared up and excited for the new school year? Nothing wrong with a good backpack, it has plenty of uses through the school year; day trips in the car, explorations in the backyard, overnighters to grandmas ;) and nature hikes with the family. And when they head to retirement (if there is still life in them) they make great emergency packs to toss in a car. 

Now when the conversations at church turn to “I got to go to lunch with my mom when we went to the mall for our school shopping” they can jump in and say “I did too! We bought a new microscope for our science projects this year, or we each got our own magnifying glass!” 

I also remembered how I use to make the kids a special bus cake on their first day of school so when they came home there was something special waiting for them. I decided I can still go that extra step, even if they are already at home. I can help make them feel equally special and encourage that child-like anticipation and build that “pre” school magic just for them. 

After this learning experience for mom I made it a point in the summer to always take my kids to lunch at least once during the summer for some good one-on-one mom time. Then again, right before school started, as a special celebration to get us off on the right foot. I would also save a few extra dollars so we could stock up on all our school/office and art supplies during the sales, along with a few special items just for them. Sometimes it was just a package of “really cool pencils mom!”. It was all they needed and they felt special – MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! 

I hope you all get to enjoy a little “pre” school magic this year. Have fun! 

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Starla

Testing, Testing 1 - 2 - 3

When puritanical members of his congregation criticized the jovial temperament of his music, do you know who replied, “Since God has given me a cheerful heart, He will forgive me for serving him cheerfully”?1  Do you know who penned S.D. G. (standing for Soli Deo Gloria, meaning, “To God alone the Glory”) at the end of his compositions?2 Surely you can guess who cried out, tears streaming down his face, “I did think I did see all heaven before me, and the great God Himself,” when he’d just finished writing the movement that would take its place in history as the Hallelujah Chorus.3

These are a few of the questions that could have found their way onto the tests I administered in the music and poetry appreciation class I led in my home for teens this past year.  I found it entertaining to surprise the students with random pop quizzes now and then and watch them struggle and search and sweat a little bit. You may call this cruel; you may cry, “Foul!” at the mention of the T-word. But, criticisms of standardized testing aside, tests are a good thing—even when failed, like most of the tests I gave this year were. 

Let me tell you what I told my students one day as they alternated between embarrassed groans and horrified shouts of shock over their low scores:  These tests were just for “fun.”  These were not tests to determine personal value.  None of the test questions will be asked at Judgment Day; the answers are, in many ways, trivia, and not eternally significant.

This announcement relaxed the students and helped them to breathe again.  It also then begged more questions.  First, if the tests didn’t truly matter, why give/take them?  Second, if this material isn’t eternally significant, why study it?

Tests 
We tend to narrowly think of a test as a stressful “do or die” situation involving a pencil and paper, a timer, labels, and a future hanging in the balance.  That is one type of test.  Let’s not forget that this life is a test, involving many earthly years of learning as we go to prove that we have mastered principles by the way we finally apply them, and more importantly, by proving faithful.  A test is simply a measurement.  When you leave your oldest child in charge of his younger siblings for the first time while you nap, you are testing him to see if he’s ready for the responsibility while you’re away from home.  When you finally let go of the back of your child’s bike while she’s learning to ride it, you’re testing her ability to ride on her own.  Tests actually come in many forms.

In the context of my teen class, I used tests to demonstrate more than proficiency in music history and theory or literary terms.  If a student couldn’t answer the questions, it was due to one of three things:  lack of attendance, lack of attention, or lack of memory (which could also be due to lack of interest).  After the reviewing of answers and scores, I tried to help the students draw on the experience by pointing out that they are responsible for what they know.  While musical definitions may not be essential knowledge, there is crucial information in other areas of life that they may not be paying enough attention to as well.  In some ways, this class was a practice round for a much more serious world out there.  If they “practice” with poor attitude and effort, they’ll perform the same way later on.  Are they where they need to be, when they need to be there?  Do they take responsibility for listening and understanding those things that are vital, so that when the stakes are higher, they succeed?  By testing what they could recall from our class discussions, I was helping them measure their individual level of responsibility. 

Course of Study 
Bach once walked over 200 miles, and risked losing his employment, to hear the famed Buxtehude play the organ.  He was a musical machine, working and working, even into his blinded agedness.  He wasn’t appreciated in his time, but his diligent, proficient magnificence blesses our lives today.  Beethoven couldn’t even hear what he gave the world.  Desiring to be a great pianist and being well on his way, the adversity of his deafness was a nearly fatal blow (he contemplated suicide).  He rose above, and his best music came out of that adversity—music he’d only hear in his mind.

Why do we study history?  It’s not so that we can rattle off dates and places and events like rote machines.  We study men and women of the past so that we can see what made them great, and rise to the occasions of their lives, and to see what made them fall.  We learn about them so that we can be inspired and emulate what was good, and so we can be warned and avoid what was not.

I told my students that what we learned this year wasn’t about naming and describing the four musical periods and all the great composers, nor was it because they just have to know the difference between a sonnet and a limerick, though these are nice facets to the educated person.  We learned about these composers and poets because there is power in music and language.  Everyone has a voice and leaves something, whether they know it in their lifetime or not.  We chose this course of study because people blessed with both genius and adversity have gone before; it’s good for us to see what they made of themselves and gain an understanding of how they did it.  When we hear magnificent music and then realize that the composer was always passed up for employment that should have been his, that his contemporaries were mean and jealous, that though he was gifted with glorious brilliance he died a very ill pauper, we appreciate the music all the more and can examine what we know of him and evaluate and compare our own efforts and shortcomings and improve ourselves.  Add to that a study of the composer’s faith, and statements such as, “God is ever before my eyes.  I realize his omnipotence and I fear His anger; but I also recognize His love, His compassion, and His tenderness towards His creatures.” 4  Is this not a worthy course of study?

What would the world be like if no one had to pass a driver’s test?  What if physicians and pharmacists could go into business without proving their knowledge and understanding?  Tests are an essential measurement of learning, skill—and personal responsibility.  But what if the only thing we were ever tested on was memorization of inert facts?  Would we grow and change and become?  Walker Percy said, “You can get all A’s and still flunk life.”  William Butler Yeats said, “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”   My hope is that we can find the right balance between how we learn and prove what we’ve learned, andwhat we learn, taking responsibility for both.  The final test is what we do with what we know.

1. Franz Joseph Haydn

2. Johann Sebastian Bach

3. George Frederic Handel

4. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Recommended Reading:
The Spiritual Lives of the Great Composers by Patrick Kavanaugh

Recommended Listening:
User Friendly Classics series with Michael Ballam

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Sasha

It's Just Like Riding a Bike...

My youngest daughter has spent the last several months learning to ride her bike without training wheels. She is also learning to read. Her attention span for reading is typical of a 5-year-old, usually about 5 minutes. I tell her it’s OK to take a break, but to remember that learning to read is just like learning to ride a bicycle, it takes lots of practice. The more I’ve thought about this analogy the more I realize how true it is. We don’t often think about learning to do things like ride a bike in the same manner as learning more academic subjects, but seeing it from that point of view sheds a lot of light on the learning process.

For starters, most kids are eager to take off their training wheels and learn to ride independently, but some are ready sooner than others and some need a little extra incentive to make the transition. I have one son who took his training wheels off by himself when he was 4. Within a couple of weeks he was tearing all over the neighborhood. I have another son who refused to have anything to do with his bike when we took the training wheels off just before his 6th birthday. Eventually we got him back on it, but there was some cookie bribery involved and it was months of practice before he felt comfortable riding on his own.  Reading, or any other academic skill for that matter, is the same. Some kids will be ready far sooner than others. Pushing a child to learn something when they aren’t ready, only results in tears and frustration on all sides. Of course, even once a child is capable, they will sometimes balk at learning something new. I find that games, especially those involving prizes, can be a great motivator. My kids’ favorite reading game is scavenger hunts. They have to read all the clues and then there’s a quarter waiting at the end of the hunt. If reading is hard for a child, a 3 or 4 word clue on a slip of paper is a lot less intimidating than a book.

No one would dream of forcing a child to learn to ride a bicycle, and yet the vast majority of people know how to ride. Why? Because riding a bike is fun. The wonderful thing is, reading is fun too, if an adult doesn’t ruin it by forcing it on a child. There are so many ways to share the joy of reading with a child. I make sure my children see me enjoying a good book. I read with them all the time, we find silly books to share together as well as the classics. I let them pick out the books they want to read from the library or from the bookshelf at home. It’s OK if they choose books lower than their current reading level. I don’t always like to read books that challenge me either; sometimes it’s nice to sit down with a fun, easy read. With my more reluctant readers, I’ve worked hard to find books on their favorite subject. Once a child catches the reading bug, their reading repertoire always expands.
   
When we first took my daughter’s training wheels off, we ran up and down the driveway with her as she wobbled along, but as she gained more confidence on her bike, we slowly started moving away from her. At first we stood on the side of the driveway and then we worked in the garden as she pedaled up and down. Last week I came out of the house to find her riding through a chalk obstacle course her brother had drawn on the driveway for her. She said she wanted to get better at not hitting things that were in her way. The road to independent reading is so similar. At first I sit by my child as they sound out every word, then I listen to them read as I fold laundry or work in the kitchen and then one day I walk into their room and find them enjoying a good book all by themselves. Of course, one of my daughter’s favorite things to do now is go on bike rides with me. She loves to share her new skill. Children are never too old to enjoy listening to us read to them or to share a funny book together.

The saying, “Once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget” couldn’t be any truer for learning to read. Once a child learns to read it is a lifelong skill. It can be a skill used only as needed or one that provides a lifetime of enjoyment. My goal is to make these early years full of wonderful reading opportunities and joy, because reading really is as fun as riding a bike!

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Lisa

Did You Notice?

Occasionally, I hear this voice.  It is a kind voice whose message to me is to notice, to learn, to be mindful and aware of what is really taking place around me.  Recently I heard this voice and what I learned is a universal principle we can all benefit from.  I’d like to share it with you.

A few weeks ago, my family took a camping trip to Zion National Park.  One evening after a delightful time of roasting marshmallows, telling stories and enjoying the campfire my four younger children went into the tent to go to bed.  Moments later, their chatter subsided and soon it was quiet.  However, there was still a glow of light coming from the tent.  Curious as to who was still awake, I took a peek inside the tent.  What I saw was not just one light.  There were my four youngest children ages 13, 11, 9, and 5 each snuggled in his or her sleeping bag.  Each with his or her head lamp or lattern and each intently reading or looking at a book.   In this delightful moment, I heard that kind voice say to me, “Notice.  There is something good happening in your family.” 

We got home from our trip to Zion on Saturday afternoon and reunited with our two older daughters who had stayed home for work and other commitments.  On Sunday after church, as is our family tradition, there was a flurry of helping hands in the kitchen to prepare our dinner.  Little hands and big joined to set the table.  Together, big sister and little brother mashed the potatoes.  Mother and daughter chopped fresh vegetables for a tossed salad.  Big brother and little sister spooned applesauce into dessert dishes adding a healthy dollop of whipped cream and a dash of nutmeg to each one.  I found myself noticing what was really happening—the beauty of being together, working, talking, laughing, dealing with a bit of conflict here and there—FAMILY.  As we sat and partook of the meal we had created together, there was conversation, questions, telling of stories, sharing of things learned, laughing, and planning for the upcoming week.  In this moment I again heard that kind voice say to me, “Notice.  There is something good happening in your family.”

In the weeks since I heard that voice, I have taken notice of the many good things that are  happening in my family.  Some of these are:

- A precious mother/daughter talk.
- Sons mowing the lawn willingly, cheerfully.
- These simple words spoken with earnest intent, “What can I do to help?”
- Bedtime snuggles while Mother reads aloud “Little House in the Big Woods.”
- Contentious brothers guided by an inspired parent into repentance, love, and caring. 
- Sweet moments of family prayer.
- A 13 year old son learning to embrace challenge.
- Big sister (age 18) sitting on the couch with little brother (9), little sisters (5 and 15) gathered near to hear her read from Mowgli’s Stories.

By the world’s standards these good things might seem insignificant and unimportant.  The world might shout that these “good things” are not where its at—that these don’t equal success.  But my kind voice tells me otherwise.

Somewhere inside me there is another voice—one that is not so kind.  This voice would have me believe that much is lacking in my home, in my parenting, and in my children.  It would have me dwell on what isn’t happening that is “supposed” to be happening.  It would have me believe that I am not enough and that my children fall short of the mark.  Granted, it is important to improve ourselves, but when we strive to do so from a place of seeing only what is lacking we rob ourselves of the joy and the peace that could be ours.   Focusing on what is lacking breeds discouragement, overwhelm, stress and anxiety.  This negative focus not only infiltrates our thoughts, but it also makes its way into our language and actions.  Then our communications with family members become laden with messages of not being enough. 

Focusing on what is good is empowering.  It is uplifting and energizing.  It brings us to a grounded place from which we can then continue to learn and change.  This focus extends to our language and as we notice the good we vocally acknowledge and affirm the efforts of those around us.  Simply put, I believe that when we see what is good, acknowledge and affirm it, then we create more good.  Positive brings positive.  Negative brings negative. 

So…what is happening that is good in your family? 

I am certain that there is much that is positive and wonderful taking place in your home every day just like it is in my home.

Did you notice?  Please notice.  There are many good things happening in your family.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page or email me directly at:angelabakerspeaks@gmail.com. Thanks!

Failure to Thrive

It has been a rough couple of months at our house. We brought home a perfect and healthy baby boy and rejoiced in having him as part of our family. However, we were having some difficulties with baby number five. He was jaundiced and his billirubin levels continued to rise despite spending a week plugged in to the wall on a phototherapy light. He cried all the time and would not sleep without being held. Of course, everyone had a solution for us. Sleep him on a slant; put a ticking clock in his crib; feed him some sugar water; don’t eat anything with gluten; stay away from lactose; let him cry it out. All this advice, while offered by well-meaning friends and relatives, was not working. Finally, after weeks of crying, both mother and baby, we went back to the doctor. Upon weighing him, we discovered that this five week old baby had not gained a single ounce since birth. We were sent immediately to the hospital for some tests. The diagnosis on the lab order sheet read “failure to thrive”. I sobbed all the way to the hospital. I felt that I had completely failed my tiny little son.

As spring arrives, I reflect back on the last year of school and evaluate our progress. Are my children thriving? Is the curriculum I am using still meeting their educational needs? Generally, as we homeschool, we have no AYP to meet, no committee to write up our standards and benchmarks and convert those into learning goals for our classrooms. Many homeschooled students do not participate in standardized testing to measure their progress against other students across the nation. How do we know, then, that our students are thriving? Personally, I ask myself if my children are enjoying learning. Beyond the love of learning that I want to instill in them, there are a few other things that are important. Are they “becoming acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues and people” (D&C 90:15)? A huge responsibility rests upon our shoulders as the educators of our own children in a community where there may often be little accountability to anyone other than God and His spirits that we instruct. Are we instructing them “more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine…of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms” that they may be prepared in all things (D&C 88:77-83)?

Aside from thriving academically, I want to also make sure that my children are thriving in other areas of their lives. Not necessarily thriving in the way the world might measure my success as an educator or their adaptation into the world around them. Rather, I wish for my children a success that makes them very different from the world. For example, socially my children are very behind their peers as the world might gauge their social adaptation. My kids own no iPods or smartphones. We don’t have an x-box or a PSP. They aren’t up on the latest movies and they don’t know the words to a single top 40 song. My kids are reading Little House on the Prairie, Chronicles of Narnia and Anne of Green Gables. In our house, a world still exists where Laura looks up to her Pa, Gilbert Blythe is the kind of guy girls dream of marrying (marrying!) and good bands together to rid the world of evil. There is not a vampire book among them. And I am thankful for that.

My teenage son doesn’t spend his afternoons trying to get to the next level in the latest multi-player virtual game, but he did teach his little brother how to ride his bike. Instead of practicing applying makeup in her bedroom mirror, my ten-year-old daughter is loving learning how to change her baby brother’s diaper and helping her little sister read. In a world that is forcing children to grow up way too fast, I am happy to hang on to every minute of snuggling in the sun for read-aloud time, even if the teenager has read the book five times already. I smile to myself as I listen to my two preschool children playing with action figures in the other room as the one toy says to the other, “You will be sorry that your father joined Hitler’s team!” I make myself remain patient and not be bugged when my daughter follows right at my heels all day, wanting to be a part of everything I am doing, whether it is cooking dinner, bathing the baby or sorting the mail. I am glad that it is me that she is following and wanting to be like and learning from. And I strengthen my resolve to be a better person because I know she is watching.

Spiritually, I want my children to thrive as they are “nourished from the good word of God.” So we contrast Hitler and what he was trying to do that led to World War II with the people living after Christ visited the Americas when “there was not any manner of –ites” among them. We write comparison/contrast essays about Abinadi and Martin Luther. We talk about the code of chivalry that the knights kept in medieval times and about what Christ taught in the Beatitudes.

I think of the opposite or antithesis of that diagnosis of “failure to thrive” and I think of abundance. A child fails to thrive because something vital and necessary is lacking in that child’s daily life. So as I evaluate the school experience of the past year, and years before, I look at the abundance that is being offered to my students. What I want my children to know, more importantly that anything else that they can be taught, is who they are and that they are loved – not because they are part of the “in” crowd or because they have the right label on their jeans, but because they are sons and daughters, literal spirit children, of the God of heaven and earth. Because of that, they have enormous potential and an unlimited inheritance. And they are here on this earth to learn all that they can to be ready to become heirs to that – an abundance that they cannot comprehend. It is through teaching and learning with my children that I feel abundance in my own life. An abundance of responsibility but also an abundance of joy.

As for my littlest guy? His problems stemmed from a lack of nourishment. For some reason, baby number five was just not getting enough to eat from breastfeeding. Like homeschooling, that can be a difficult thing to measure. It had always worked before. But you probably know from homeschooling that what has worked great for one child will not always be what another child needs. Also like homeschooling, everyone had some advice for me. There were lots of tears and lots of fervent prayers (just like homeschool). Thankfully, it was something that was able to be corrected. He was put on a high-calorie formula every two hours and, in only a weekend, he gained a whole pound! Now he is thriving in an abundance of love AND nourishment.

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kresta

Stop, Look And Listen: Perfect Parenting Advice

by Nicholeen Peck

When I was about four years old my mother stood with me on the edge of the curb in front of our house and taught me about stopping, looking and listening for cars before I chose to cross the street. After we stopped, looked and listened for a few seconds then my mother took me by the hand and walked with me across our street. We practiced the whole thing a few more times before she felt I had mastered the skill and would not get too busy or carried away to forget the lesson.

Stop

“Yea, for this cause I have said: Stop, and stand still until I command thee, and I will provide means whereby thou mayest accomplish the thing which I have commanded thee.” (D&C 5:34)

The world now days is all about Go. Stop doesn’t even seem to be an option for most of us on a regular day. Even Sundays are go, go for many people in our religion. We have meetings, and people to look after, and visit. By the end of each day we are tired and fall into bed hoping we will have enough sleep time to prepare us for another go, go day.

Is go, go bad? Should we try to stop all of our going? Is go, go a blessing or a curse to our families? I cannot answer these questions for your. Only you can assess what your family needs, and if you are just doing too much. However, I do know that there are some very negative draw backs from always being on the go.

I am a woman of purpose. I am always anxiously engaging myself and my family in good causes. All the causes are good, but some of those good things get in the way of better things. If I am always supporting every social event, and volunteering for every committee and project then I don’t get the time at home to read stories to my children, or to work side by side with them in the yard. Likewise, if I allow my children to have schedules which keep them running away from home and family all the time then they don’t get the opportunity to strengthen relationships with parents and siblings and don’t have the opportunity to work beside me either.

What would happen if we just stopped attending many classes/events and stood still? Could the Lord more easily use us if we were quiet enough to hear him, and calm enough to feel him? I think so. What about our children? Could they become more in-tune with what their personal missions are if they had time to be still and hear God? I know so.

Just to clear this up, being still doesn’t mean watching television, listening to tunes, or emailing people. It means pondering, studying, writing, and taking in the feelings and thoughts the Spirit sends your way. Journal writing is the perfect kind of daily stop. 

Look

Whenever you stop on purpose and take in the moment, you see things you normally don’t see.

One day, while camping, I found myself disconnected from the group under a tree relaxing in a chair. All of the sudden, I saw things I didn’t recognize before my quite time. I saw dragon flies gliding over the river, and birds playing in the trees. I saw the water ripple, and the pattern the grass was growing in. Since I stopped, I saw.

“And it came to pass that this man did cry unto the multitude, that they might turn and look. And behold, there was power given unto them that they did turn and look;” (Helaman 5:37)

While sitting there on the bank of that river, under the willow tree, I immediately started to take in the things I knew. I knew what kind of tree I was under, and I knew the direction the water was running. I knew that I had soft grass under my feet, and that the sun was at about mid day. 

After assessing what I did know, then I was ready to look for what I didn’t know. If a person is still long enough they automatically start looking for answers to things they don’t know. This is why small children are always asking questions and inventing new things. They are stopped and still most of the time, unless we put stress on their lives by making them live go, go too much. Even though they can’t keep still sometimes, they are still stopped because they are free to think and act upon their thoughts.

All of the sudden I realized I didn’t know why the grass along the bank of the river was all different sizes. I had to ask myself questions. What would make the grass in that section of the river longer than the other sections? I had to take a closer look. Before, I also didn’t know that most of the bushes along the bank were half dead. I hadn’t taken into account that no one was there to take care of the bushes. I wondered if the bushes would grow differently if I took time to trim back all the dead branches.

After this thought I wondered if someone watched me close enough to trim back all my dead branches. I used to have sins which weighed heavy on me, but now they feel light. I couldn’t help but think that over time I allowed the Lord to trim back the weight of these dead sins, or branches, to allow me to more fully grow the way he wants me to.

We always learn more when we look deeply.

Listen

“And, O that ye would listen…and let not this pride of your hearts destroy your souls!” (Jacob 2: 16)

Whenever you stop on purpose and take in the moment by looking deeply, you hear things you normally don’t hear.

While under this same tree I had a desire to listen closely to my surroundings because I had seen so much when I looked more closely. All of the sudden, the silence of my surroundings made me really listen, and I heard things I didn’t know where there before.

I heard the water rippling past and the insects clicking and buzzing in the distance. I heard the breeze blowing the tree I was under and was immediately grateful for a breeze to keep me cool. I knew I was comfortable, but didn’t give God credit for that breeze until I took time to listen to it.

When I heard the river flowing I thought of where it was flowing to. I reminded myself how it would get there. Rivers, like people, take the path of least resistance and end up falling to the lowest area unless they work hard to press in a different direction. I was reminded to keep working hard not to fall into the path of least resistance, thus heading in a constant down hill pattern. 

Problem Solving

Parenting is really hard work. It takes lots of time, and we just determined that the one thing we all feel short on is time. It only makes sense then, that like this river, we take the path or least resistance when we are parenting our children and helping them solve their problems unless we have already figured out that we have to embrace the hard work, and sometimes even make it harder to accomplish what we want for our families. This requires taking more time.

As we run through our days and accomplish all the good things we do, we cannot forget to stop, look and listen when we are parenting our children. Just like crossing the street, this simple action can make all the difference in our family relationships and our parenting moments.

Now that we see how stop, look and listen affect our day to day living and our ability to receive revelation from God about our specific missions, let’s see how applying the same principle can help us receive parenting revelations when we need them most.

Stop

Many parents pride themselves on how well they can multi-task to handle everything at once. In fact, I don’t know how parents can get away from developing this skill when trying to get everyone out the door to church, put dinner in the crock pot, and remember all the supplies for the lesson. Let’s face it, multi-tasking is a necessity sometimes.

However, there are times mid multi-task that we need to stop and not care about the schedule. Our stopping will strengthen our family relationships. How would our Sunday mornings improve if we took a minute or two to look at our children and see how they were helping and give them positive feedback? It would make a selfless shift in our family for the day and draw our children closer to us.

Let’s pretend you are mid multi-task and your child comes to you and tells you she is having a hard time getting along with another one of the children? That never happens right? It is really tempting to just keep going and while going blow your top about the schedule and about how this doesn’t help you get where you are going on time, or it doesn’t help you get the laundry done. You pick your reason for not wanting to stop.

However, if you do stop, you will find yourself ready to help one of your children develop a new skill, so that they can problem solve the next situation better on their own. You will also be showing your child love, understanding, and providing an excellent example of what kind of parent you want them to turn into. They will be learning volumes whether you stop or keep going. Which book do you want them reading from?

No matter what you are doing, train yourself to stop for a minute when your children come to you asking for help. Just like our Father in Heaven, we need to hear all their problems and pleas, even if we are doing something else at the time.

Look 

Once you allow yourself to stop running for a minute, you will automatically start to look for things you didn’t see before.

For instance, on Sunday morning you will notice how helpful the older children are to the younger children without you even asking. You will notice that your children are following all the steps to following instructions which you have taught them, and feel inspired to give them praise. 

When your child comes to you to tell you about the argument she is having with her brother, you will be ready to see and feel what parts of her story are true or not. You will also be able to see if you need to talk to brother before you decide upon the situation. You will most likely see that this is an opportunity to show your children how to properly and calmly problem solve a situation and resolve it.

Listen

If you don’t stop and look, you will not feel inclined to listen, and listening is the most important step in this parenting skill set.

Beware! There are two kinds of listening. The first kind is when you listen for what you want to hear. The second kind is when you listen for what they are saying.

With the first kind of listening you have already decided what the problem is before you even stopped to look and listen. You have already chosen who is at fault and need to just get through the listening as soon as possible.

By contrast, with the second kind of listening, even if you saw the whole incident and think you know why things happened, you don’t say anything until you hear each side and feel the souls of the children to determine what they really need to learn. This kind of listening requires that most of your attention be paid to feeling the Spirit testify to you what that child is really feeling and learning. 

I ask each child to tell their story about the situation, beginning with the child who came to me first with the issue. With each child I listen. I repeat back things they say to make sure I am understanding completely, and I ask questions occasionally. I really want to know and feel the situation.

What The Children Learn From This Lesson

When you listen carefully, you will have help. The Spirit will impress upon your minds the things your children need to learn most from this situation.

Only when you really listen can you see what everyone needs to learn. For most of these instances I notice that everyone in the situation or communication needs to learn something important to grow into a “joyful adult who knows what their mission in life is and can’t wait to fight for it, and has a solid relationship with God and family.” (Parenting A House United page 106) 

Most often, there is one person who started the situation, which I have noticed more often than not is the person coming to tell me about the situation. However, the other person in the situation probably needs to learn how to disagree appropriately, accept a no answer, or remember our family vision to be a family of best friends. (principles presented in Parenting A House United) Either way both parties need to learn how to handle similar situations when they happen again and need practice doing the situation correctly.

This is when we practice. I believe in role plays. They are good enough for business people, missionaries, firemen, policemen, military troops, and airplane pilots so they are good enough for my family too. When I have my children role play the right way to handle a situation they automatically see the wisdom in more effective communication. They also see they are capable of, and posses the skills necessary to problem solve this situation differently next time.

I teach my children how to govern themselves. It is impossible to learn self-government if a person isn’t constantly seeing what went wrong and practicing a better way. I have my children practice the situation like they should have done it, and then switch roles and practice being the other person too.

Understanding the other person’s role in a communication is a great skill for a successful life. Many people will not see things the same way we do in this life, but that doesn’t need to stop us from being able to communicate calmly and effectively. Calm effective communication is freedom for parents, children, and all.

Parents teach children many things; from crossing the street to communicating effectively, and if we stop, look and listen long enough we find that these life lessons are easily understood because they are essentially the same. We just have to train ourselves to use the principles at the right time. 

Nicholeen answers more parenting questions for free on her blog here.

Buy Nicholeen's Book and Audio Classes here. 

Nicholeen Peck

Author: Parenting A House United

Owner of teachingselfgovernment.com

Contact: Nicholeen Peck

The Importance of Traditions

Conversations are forgotten but the tradition of eating dinner and discussing daily events every night cements our family together. The stories that have been told over and over are the ones remembered. It's the traditions and routines that bind our family with a strong bond and keep us going when life gets hard. Two big events happened this year... our oldest went to college and my Father passed away. Traditions helped us keep going and kept us on track.

As our daughter has gone off to college it's interesting to see what traditions she has taken with her. She has personal scripture study. She emails home weekly. She meets with a cousin after devotional for lunch. She has a Friday Lunch with friends. Times that she has set apart and doesn't vary from. It gives her something to plan for and look forward to every week.

As my father aged, it's the traditions that are brought to my memory. The fact that we knelt by our chairs nightly and prayed before dinner and Mom read the Book of Mormon as her dinner got cold. Dad sitting in the hallway telling Smelly Jelly Jake stories to get us to go to bed... this is what I remember, and traditions that I have taken with me.

Some things are planned traditions, others just become! Mothers are the heart of the home, so discuss and think about some traditions you want to incorporate, then put them on the calendar! Childhood is too short to leave to chance. Stop and think about the church's established routines and programs, then make traditions around them. We have morning scripture study and  nightly prayer. Sunday night waffles and omelets with new members of our ward. The men in our family go for ice cream after the Priesthood session at conference. The women always attend the General Young Women's Broadcast together. General Conference is a family affair.

Traditions keep us on track, even when perhaps we are too tired or unmotivated. My Mother and father-in-law raised nine children. Two families--the first 5 kids then a space and the last four. The tradition of Sunday night FHE lesson and Monday night activity kept her going to the swimming pool on Mondays long after the excitement was gone.

This year, as my Father got sick, it was the traditions that helped keep our life together during a stressful time. The routine of an established laundry day, dinner at 6 with the whole family, Monday Family Home Evening, holiday traditions, Youth night at church, cleaning schedule, etc. All of these routines and traditions help keep us grounded. We needed the strong rhythms of the familiar to keep us on track, when emotionally-- life went off-kilter.         

"So what are some traditions that your family has?" is one of my favorite questions to ask, here are some of our own and others collected from friends:

 Birthdays - we always have a "theme" party and the birthday child helps plan the whole thing! It's also a family affair - everyone helps.

 Kids create their own cookbook to take to college

 Eat nightly at 6 p.m. as a family. We keep "missionary Mail" in the napkin holder and read all about adventures of friends serving around the world.

 15 presents at age 15

 15 year old trip out of the country

 February - no electronics month/games galore/read Aloud books

 Father's blessings before each school year

 Friday night homemade pizza and movie night

 Small hymn book birthday gift at age 12

 Summer reading poster

 December reading challenge

 Go to the temple as a family to do baptisms for the dead

 January goal setting

 Easter candy and baskets on Saturday and Easter Sunday reserved for Christ

 April gardens

 Spring Break get away

 General Conference - we all go to every session at the church

 12 year old boy gets to go to Conference in SLC

 Each child earns their Faith in God award, Personal Progress, Duty to God, Eagle Scout Awards

 Family attends each other's sporting events, drama, music, etc.

 Road Trips w/o contention

 Summer "Kid Camps" (Kids in the Kitchen, Arty Pants, Lego Movie Making camp, etc.)

 Each child creates a newsletter or adds to the family blog

 Last FHE in November we each share "Our favorite books"

 Yearly art project

 Annual yearbook

 Yearly family Reunions (Camp Smelly Jelly)

 Especially For Youth at 14

 Mom paints and cleans bedrooms while girls are at Church Girls camp

 Father/daughter date when 11

 Friday night pizza and videos

 Monthly fieldtrips

 Senior Year - Money class and debit card

 Senior Year - "College Cooking Crash Course"

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Kari

Counsel with the Lord

by Doreen Blanding

The Best Piece of Advice from One Mom to Another

I remember the day I brought my first baby home from the hospital. It was a birth that nearly killed him, but he survived and we got to bring him home.

My mom was waiting there to help me. As the week wore on and I started to physically feel better I asked my mom a question. "Mom, what is the one piece of parenting advice you can give me?"

She was holding the “Dr. Mom” book (great book, like a Dr. Spock book) and said it is in the book. I thought she meant the book she was holding; as my mom is never without a book in her hands. She put that book down went to the table and picked up my scriptures and turned to Alma 37:36-37.

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord..."

"Counsel with the Lord in all they doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day."

"Counsel with the Lord..." She went on to tell me that it didn't matter how many "doctors" (medical or other) you go to, you are the child's parent and have been given special gifts to know how to best help that child. I honestly believe the best parenting help is found on our knees - and sometimes as we are holding an errant child on our lap.

The Lord may direct us to books, doctors, lecturers, friends, family or others to solve our problems, and then again, He may let us figure it out on our own. Many times I have gone to Him with specific problems and had to wait for my timetable to meet His and receive the answer I needed. We also have to remember the answer given may not be to our liking.

Of course, I have a special sweet testimony of the power of prayer. I haven't moved mountains (no need yet), but I have prayed for a car without a starter to get home; to find that soccer shirt just before we head out the door; that my baby's fever would break long enough to make it home to see a doctor (we were 20 hours away from home) and more importantly prayed to solve little parenting problems.

Sometimes He has directed me to someone else for help and sometimes He tells me in the "quiet" moments how to help my boys with their problems. Remember all we have to do is, "Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (3 Nephi 14:7) And in James 1:5, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God..." It worked for Joseph Smith, why not me?

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Doreen

Six Months of Study: Messages for Today

I love general conference. Every six months I am strengthened and inspired as I watch the broadcasts. I intend to make these messages a core part of my family’s study so that they become central to our direction and faith. This can be done through Family Home Evening, but as homeschoolers, we have the unique opportunity to give even more of our attention and time to general conference addresses in our day to day schooling.

We are blessed. Ephesians 4:11-15 tells us:

“And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”

What a loving Father in Heaven to give us living prophets and apostles. What do we do with that? We sustain fifteen men as prophets, seers, and revelators, but do we spend as much time coming to know them, hearing and heeding their inspired counsel, as we do studying historical figures now passed away?

In a fabulous article, Elder Neil A. Andersen, then of the Seventy, wrote, “Viewing the general conference sessions with our family is not sufficient to bring a love for the prophets. On one occasion some years before my call as a General Authority, I conducted a meeting presided over by one of the Apostles. After the meeting, I asked him about his stake conference talks. “Do you prepare something specific for each stake conference?” I asked. He replied that he generally did not, but relied upon promptings received just prior to and during the conference. But then he added, “But my general conference talk is very different. I will normally go through twelve to fifteen drafts to be certain that it is what the Lord would have me say.” Many times since then I have asked myself, If an Apostle will go through twelve to fifteen drafts, is it pleasing to the Lord if I listen to or read his message one or two times? I don’t think so.” (Neil A. Andersen, “Teaching Our Children to Love the Prophets,” Ensign, April 1996, or read it here.)

As a child growing up in Nampa, Idaho, I remember every radio in the house broadcasting general conference on conference Saturday. We still had housework and yardwork to do, but no matter where we went, my parents had a radio plugged in and talking. We couldn’t get away from it! When I became an adult, I realized that many really good talks were during the Saturday sessions and I found that I didn’t want to miss them. While living in the Seattle, Washington area, it wasn’t so easy to listen to conference, but as a young mother, I decided I wanted to instill the importance of conference in my children, so we would dress up and go to the stake center, even on Saturday. I wanted to make it special, so I packed candies and activities for my little ones that they didn’t normally get, just for general conference. Later we were able to watch via the Internet or at friends’ houses who had satellites. But I determined that general conference weekend should be a celebration as much as anything; I wanted to establish traditions associated with it, much like a holiday, to set it apart from other weekends and celebrate the blessing of living prophets. It’s been a way of life that my kids do not question, and with special foods and a break from the routine, they look forward to as much as I do.

This past conference was so filling. I couldn’t believe how many personal questions were answered pointedly and specifically for me in the talks. I was excited to examine and assimilate the talks with my family and there were many things I wanted to point out, but I wondered what my children picked up individually on their own. I wanted to know what conference meant to them.

The morning after conference weekend, our studying began. This school year we’ve had a theme of “work” to our studies, meaning through various means, tools, classics, and sources we’ve been learning about the value of work as well as the different forms of work. I approached our initial discussion on general conference from that angle:

We sang and discussed the hymn, "Today, While the Sun Shines," which is so thorough in covering all forms of labor.  We talked about conference weekend, about how there were many other things that needed doing that we could have spent our time on, but that conference was "the better part" and the "work" that we needed to focus on for those two days. 

I asked each of the children to name something that was talked about in conference that stood out to them.  The varied answers were personal and individual.

My 6-year-old couldn't come up with anything specifically, so she mentioned the music, which she loves. We talked about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and if they had to practice to be such a good choir.  We discussed how even with amazing talents, we still have to put forth effort to develop and refine them.

My 8-year-old said, "Prayer."  I was happy to hear this because we have spent some time on prayer this year as a form of work (see Bible Dictionary). So, we revisited the topic of prayer and evaluated how everyone was applying what we'd already learned and talked about how we could do better.

My 10-year-old said, "Temples."  We talked about the phrase "temple work" and what that means.  The children asked questions about what we do in temples.  I asked them what their work now, as children, is regarding temples.  My 10-year-old said he should pay tithing to help pay for the new temples being built.  (That led to needing jobs—work—to earn money so they had something to pay tithing on.) We talked about how learning everything they could, choosing the right, and preparing and being worthy to go to the temple was their work right now, and then did the math for how long they had until they'd enter the temple prior to missions.

My 13-year-old said, "Missionary Work."  That led to a discussion about preparation and what he needed to work on in that department.  It also brought out sheep and The Shepherd and gave me a direction for a discussion another day when we talk about the work of raising sheep.

My 15-year-old said, "Be an example of the believers."  We discussed what that meant and whether or not it was work to do that.  We talked about how there is always more to learn in our efforts to become or "be" and that it takes work to make our faith grow to even be a believer.

A few days later, I assigned Elder Lynn G. Robbins’s talk, “What Manner of Men Ought Ye to Be?” to my oldest son as the basis for his Family Home Evening lesson. The next morning we reviewed his lesson, and continued the discussion of how you can do without being, but you cannot be without doing, and applied that to the principle of work. This led us to begin reading Gordon B. Hinckley’s book Way to Be as our family read-aloud. We then compared the things to be in this book to the beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount, which we studied earlier this year as the basis of our spiritual work.

Of course, I’m not the only one having good experiences with the messages of conference. Following the April addresses this month, I asked the members of my scriptureschool group what they’re doing.

Marni Hall, of Clinton, Utah wrote, “We talked about D&C 88:77-80 and all the huge variety of things that means we should learn to be prepared for our missions in life.  We brought in Elder Robbins’s talk, that Jesus said we need to be "Even as I am," and that to be the creator of the earth he had to know a lot.

“We also talked about the do vs. be part of his talk; that education isn't something you just check off as done, it's something you should be working on your whole life.

“Then we talked about D&C 130:18-19, talking about how the more educated we are, the more advantage we'll have even in the next life.”

Jennifer Tillitson, of Weston, Idaho, wrote, “We have tried to review each of the talks.  I try to pray before so I know which one I should use.  As I scroll down, I try to listen to my thoughts and feelings.  We go through them (and) sometimes I make a copy for them to keep in their binders.  We also talk in length about them.  We stop through the talks and discuss thoughts. 

“This proved to be effective.  I had one of my sons come to me because of (a particular) talk and confide in me something very important to him and his development.  I don't know if he would have come to me soon to talk about it if we hadn't just discussed and watched the conference talk.

“This time I am going to assign talks or have (the children) choose which one they would like to teach.  Then they will be the teachers and the learners.  I am excited to start this soon.”

Sally Bishop, of Logan, Utah, took an analytical approach. She came up with a list of scholastic activities to apply to general conference talks. My favorites:

*Analyze essay structures in various talks:  intro, theme development, supporting information, conclusion (testimony), etc.

*Compare "voice" and "style" considering presentation of point of view, sentence length, verb tense, etc.  Oaks and Scott have wildly different "voices," but how, exactly, do they differ?

*Tally the number of times words are mentioned in a talk (family, love, Christ, testimony) and learn to bar graph or pie chart the numbers.

*Find the birth places of the speakers on a world map. (It's exciting to have so many more international leaders in our church!)

*Google-map newly announced temples and learn about one of the cities.

*Compare the numbers in 2 consecutive Statistical Reports, or even over a year or decade. Graph, do subtraction, division, etc.

As homeschoolers we find there is much to be done every day and a great deal to learn. It can be a lot of pressure, but we have the blessing of continued revelation and living prophets and apostles, and the freedom to breathe the life of living waters into all of our learning. Let’s not forget the most important information and instruction, and the source from which it comes. President Harold B. Lee said, “As the Latter-day Saints go home from this conference, it would be well if they consider seriously the importance of taking with them the report of this conference and let it be the guide to their walk and talk during the next six months. These are the important matters the Lord sees fit to reveal to this people in this day” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1946, p. 68). I can’t wait to study the rest of the talks!

You can leave your thoughts, comments or suggestions here on my feedback page. Thanks!

- Sasha