Slowing Down

                 As we became a homeschooling family we dove headfirst and completely submerged ourselves in our new lifestyle.  We joined all kinds of groups and signed up for extracurricular activities.  I didn’t want my children to miss the social aspects of public school or be left out of opportunities to develop their talents.  We soon found ourselves involved in dance lessons, play groups, book club, science classes, art classes, sports teams, guitar lessons, and the like.  Just typing this list makes my head spin.  Somehow we managed to keep our heads just above water.

                 One night my husband made a startling comment as we sat down to family dinner, “This is a novelty,” he remarked.  I quickly realized that he was right.  Family dinners had become few and far between, family home evening was even going by the wayside as I made justifications that we were getting plenty of family time, after all, we homeschool!  Our weekends were filled with all kinds of activities and I was really starting to wear out. 

                My littlest kids were spending hours in the car each week as we sat in traffic to drop kids of at their “enriching” activities.  After the third or fourth week in a row of relentless activity I had finally had enough.  I now longer cared about looking like a flake or a quitter.  I started weeding things out left and right to clear some space into our schedule.  One by one I cancelled activities and I began to feel lighter.  That next week, I had carved four free days into our schedule. 

              Suddenly, we had the gift of time!  I made a point to have family dinner.  I read an article posted recently on The Sentinel about making family home evening a priority.  We held family home evening that week.  Guess what?  I was starting to find my center.  I was amazed at how many enriching activities we could actually do at home when we were not sitting in traffic trying to get from one activity to another.  I can’t believe I was almost robbed of one of the most precious gifts of homeschooling, simplicity. 

                The adversary wants us to be completely distracted.  He wants us to be rushing from one activity to another so that we cannot hear the one resounding truth that we are enough.   Our young children especially need their Mothers and they need family time at home to learn and to play and explore.  Our children need us to really SEE and HEAR them.  While I believe that it is important for kids to be involved in extracurricular activities so that they can socialize and develop their talents, these activities cannot replace that crucial time spent in the home.  As homeschoolers, we are blessed to create our own schedules and choose our priorities for the most part.  I am grateful for the wise counsel of former General Relief Society President, Julie B. Beck in the following quote:

Mothers Who Know Do Less

                "Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

                  I hope to be able to guard and protect our most precious commodity – time.  I hope to have the discipline to choose only the best things and the confidence that I am making the right decision not to choose it all.   

Zone Cleaning - Your New Best Friend

     When my children were younger, I dreamed of a time when I would have the entire day to clean and organize my home while the kids were at school.  I would have quiet time to update our family calendar, fold laundry, make doctor appointments, pay bills, file paperwork, organize and clean out drawers, etc.  The kids would come home to freshly baked cookies and a meticulously tidy home.  The meal that I had ample time to prepare earlier that day would be baking in the oven as we enjoyed the afternoon together.  

     When we made the decision to homeschool the kids, I had to readjust my vision of what our "school days" would look like.  I quickly realized that home management must be a family affair. If we were ever going to maintain any semblance of order, we were going to have to work together!  

     The problem was that getting my kids to work together was sometimes more difficult than doing it myself!  Have you ever heard the following phrases?  "That's not my mess!"  "I didn't do it!"  "He/She put that in my room!"  "That's not fair!"  It was enough to make me crazy.  I felt defeated before I even began most days.  

     Fortunately for me, my husband, an entrepreneur and small business owner, has written the book on delegation and management.  He came up with a system that has worked wonders in our home and saved me from many a nervous breakdown.

The solution:

Zone Cleaning

The idea of zone cleaning is that in addition to their own rooms, each child gets a "zone" or specified area of the house to be in charge of for the week.  This can be tailored to each individual home.  To give you an example I will share our current zones.  

• Kitchen zone: Includes kitchen, family room, and dining area.  Responsibilities include; unloading and loading the dishwasher, cleaning up clutter,  and keeping the floor swept.  
• Office zone: Includes our office, entry way, piano room, coat closet, and master bedroom (keeping kid items out of our room).  Responsibilities include keeping these areas tidied and floors swept if needed.  
• Gameroom zone:  Includes our gameroom, landing, hallway, and upstairs bathroom.  Responsibilites include keeping these areas clutter free and putting away toys. 

*We tidy the zones during the week and scour on the weekend.  On Saturday, each child is responsible for the deep cleaning chores in his zone such as; vacuuming, organizing, dusting, and cleaning bathrooms.

     We divided up the areas of our home in a way that we felt was doable.  Some zones are harder than others but we felt that it was okay for a child to have to work harder some weeks than others.  We have a motto at our house, "There is nothing fair about house work."  This is a bit tongue in cheek but we like to teach the kids that housework (and life) is not always fair and sometimes you may have to pull more weight than another person and that is okay.  

The magic of zone cleaning is in the rules!  Here is how it works. 

• If it is in your zone, you clean it.  This keeps the blaming and excuses at bay.  The only exception to this rule is for things that belong in a person's bedroom.  It is acceptable to gather up the items in a laundry basket or other container and place it (throw it) in that person's room.  This seems to be an acceptable revenge on siblings who put all of their stuff in your zone.  (Isn't parenting fun)!

• You aren't finished with your zone until you have been checked out by a parent. This is crucial to the success of zone cleaning.  You will be tempted to skip this step from time to time.  DON'T!  Set your standard high and keep it there.  If there is any give in the quality of the work that is expected, the kids will sniff you out and take advantage.  After a child has shown that they are responsible and have been consistent in the check out process, they get to skip the check out process. At this point, they have earned the right to be trusted at their word.
• Zone Violation:  If you are caught putting things in someone's zone you will have to clean theirs too.  This will keep the kids from cleaning out their zones and throwing it another zone.  

Tips:

• Make it Fun:  We play music every time we do zone cleaning.  We dance and laugh while we clean.  I think the kids actually enjoy it although they would never admit it.  
• Be Consistent:  It will take a few weeks or even a couple of months of training before the kids get the hang of it.  Once they do, you will be able to rely on them on days that you are under the weather.  
• Be patient and try to stay emotionally neutral:  This one is very hard.  My husband has a knack for requiring hard work without showing frustration or disapproval to the kids.  It is an art to require a job well done without being mean and getting angry but it can be done.
• Treat zone cleaning as a daily habit and not a chore:   When kids understand that this is not a chore or checklist but rather part of their responsibility and contribution to the family, they can take pride in their work.  

Give it a try and tell me how it goes!  Do you have a home management tip to share?  Share your ideas on Facebook hashtag #homemanagement.   

Tips and Tricks from an old Dog

A Message from the archives. Originally posted Tuesday August 2, 2011.

by Doreen Blanding

     There are a few things I’ve learned over the past two decades of homeschooling six very different children.  I would love to pass some of this knowledge along to other homeschooling moms and dads.

You’re not very smart

     I’m no longer insulted when my junior high student says, “Mom, I have a math question, I’ll go get the answer book,” or worse yet, “I can’t finish my math because I have a question that you can’t answer. I’ll just wait for dad.” But the worst is when they say that and end it with, “I’ll just wait for Jason.” Jason is my math genius.  He didn’t get that from me, but from his dad.  He is still living at home and going to a local college where he is setting the curve in his math classes.  I wish I could take credit for that, but I can’t. That boy sure did teach me a few things and one of them is not to be insulted because I don’t understand something. I still remember when he took his geometry test book (in which he was behind a couple of days) and took the test in five minutes and didn’t miss a problem. I knew then that he was way beyond me.

Drummers drum

     Jason also taught me that kids march to the beat of their own drum and sometimes that’s literal.  When he was a little kid he couldn’t spell the simplest of words and it was driving me crazy.  He would have a word memorized one minute and then ten minutes later not know how to spell it.  One day while drilling him, I saw his foot tapping the ground in perfect rhythm.  I told him to stop it, it was driving me crazy.  How could he concentrate on spelling if he was tapping his foot? He stopped only to start tapping his finger on the table. I told him to stop and so he switched to the other hand.  I almost left the room screaming, but instead I took a breath and said a silent prayer, “Dear Lord, help me not to beat this child.” My answer was, “This child needs to move in order to learn.”  That was the beginning for him. He took off like leaps and bounds because I let him move his body while he was studying.  He would jump on the rebounder (a little trampoline), or skip rope, or tap his foot or his fingers.  A few years later we bought him a drum set and he loved it. He still drives me crazy when he taps his finger or pencil while studying, but I just bite my tongue and remember that he is processing something very important. I learned that sometimes a quick prayer gives us the right answer. Sometimes we have to let our children learn in unorthodox ways.

Give ‘em a minute

     I just love it when my kids say, “Mom, how come you marked number 15 wrong? It can’t be wrong; I went over it and over it.”  I remind them that I correct a lot of different papers throughout the day and I don’t recall what “number 15” is.  They usually catch me while I’m making dinner or busy with something else and yet they want me to stop and help them.  Instead of dropping everything, I have them verbally walk me through the problem.  Nine times out of ten, they stop mid sentence and say, “Oh, I see what I did wrong.” That tenth time, I will walk over and say, “Show me.” It is while showing me that they usually discover where they went wrong. Sometimes all it takes is for them to take a minute and try to explain their problem to someone else.

The teacher always learns the most.

     Another trick I have found is to answer their questions with this: “Teach me.”  The teacher always learns the most. This works very well with kids of all ages.  I’m a busy mom and sometimes I’m very pressed for time so I will have my kids read a chapter of a science book and then teach us what they learned.  I also use this trick when the math problem they are asking me to solve is something I would need to brush up on. I have them teach me how to multiply fractions or how to solve a geometry proof.  The other response I have is “Prove it.”

Show and Tell

     There is nothing wrong with show and tell.  When my children were very little we did a show and tell almost nightly for dad. First I did it to prove to him that I was teaching his children, but later I had them do it to see what they learned and what they missed from the day’s lessons.  My college son told me one day that he wished I would have given him more tests and grades.  I told him that I tested him almost daily. “Remember how I had you tell dad each night what you learned? That was a pop quiz.” I did give the kid tests and grades. He just didn’t ever see them.  My children are a bit old for show and tell, but I love listening to them discuss some pretty heavy topics around the dinner table.
  
Family Home Evening

     I had been homeschooling for only a few years when a fellow homeschooling mom confessed to me that they didn’t do Family Home Evening on Monday night.  She said, “I feel like I’ve done family night all day long and I’m just so worn out that I can’t do one more lesson.”  I thought a lot about that statement.  She was right; I spent a lot of time doing Family Home Evening type stuff all day long and doing it one more time when everyone is cranky was a chore.  But then I thought of the blessings the Prophets had promised us when we hold Family Home Evening.  I couldn’t leave blessings on the table so I did “one more lesson” every week. I soon noticed that the kids looked forward to it as much as I did.  I also noticed that this was the one lesson where dad was with us and if we planned ahead he would even teach the lessons.

     It has been about fifteen years since that conversation and I look at what weekly Family Home Evening has done for my family. We are a stronger family because we did that “one more lesson.” My kids know the gospel and if they have questions, the know where to find answers. They know how to teach a lesson because we take turns.  I honestly don’t know where that other mom is or how her kids are turning out. I’m no saint, but darn if I’m not seeing the blessing of holding “one more lesson”.

     Finally, I have time for one more tip: be willing to let the Spirit guide you. Every one of the tips I’ve shared here, I learned because I was taught because I was flexible in the teaching moment and willing to let the Spirit take me somewhere different. If you remain open to promptings then I’m sure you will discover many tips of your own.

- Doreen

Shifting Paradigms

A paradigm is like any window, it allows you to see whatever its frames will permit. Thus, just like a window, a paradigm is a limited and partial view of what's "outside." The bigger the frame, the more one can see. The more windows in a room, the more one can see of that "outside." Thus, paradigms, by analogy, are mental windows to reality.  They "frame" our understanding of reality and limit that reality to what they show us. Different paradigms will "show" us a different reality.     - unknown

    Unless you are one of the few mothers who has always known that they would homeschool their children, you are likely here testing the waters in an uncharted territory.  You may be caught up in the merciless throws of a shifting paradigm.  Not long ago I found myself neck deep in those same choppy waters and at times I thought I may never come ashore. 

     It took courage for me to put up new windows within my carefully constructed house in my little corner of the universe.  It took humility to imagine that there was more to see when I thought I had been looking out of a picture window.  It took patience to question to learn, to probe, to pray.  It took faith to listen to the whispering of the spirit telling me “yes you can” when doubts would flood my mind like a tidal wave of insecurity.   

     If you are new to the idea of homeschooling, welcome! 

Stay a while.

Embrace the discomfort. 

It won’t last forever!

You CAN Teach Your Child

 First, a story . . .

    From day one of second grade I knew, my daughter was going to really struggle.  It seemed that before she could even unpack her school supplies the evaluations and conferences began.  Her scores were alarmingly low on assignments and tests and yet she didn't seem to even care.  She seemed almost oblivious to what the rest of us knew, "Something was wrong with her."  

     The weeks marched on.  Test after test came back "normal" for eye sight, dyslexia, learning disabilities, ADD, etc.  I cringe to think what she must have felt while her own Mother and a team of doctors, administrators and professionals tried to put a label on her shortcomings.  Dead end after dead end resulted in frustration and desperation.  I was sending my daughter to school every day for eight hours while she sat detached and not learning or absorbing what was being taught.  Despite the best efforts of her school, a  great school with an amazing staff, she was not thriving.  It was then that the thought came to my mind, "If she doesn't pass second grade, I will have to homeschool her."

     I was terrified.  I always found it a rather bold assertion that a mother thought she was qualified to teach her child when she had received no professional training.  How could she possibly be equally as equipped as the professionals that had gotten a degree and had the experience of teaching in a classroom day in and day out?  I was more than intimidated at the idea of teaching my own child.  Homework had been such a nightmarish exchange filled with threats, emotional outbursts (by both parent and child), a battle of wills, and superhuman patience that I could not imagine doing it all day!   I ignored the prompting for months.  I looked for another way out with desperation but it just kept coming back, "You are going to have to homeschool her." 

   I had a conversation with a friend that has stuck with me.  I said, "How can I add anything more to my plate?"  Her response was this.  "You are not adding to your plate, you are going to get a whole new plate."   The idea of this "new plate" was alluring.  I was so tired of the one I had.  I felt like a failure every day as I struggled to help fill in the gaps after school.  

     Second grade came to an end and you know, they even passed her.  But, in my heart I knew that she wasn't ready for the third grade.  So, I made the decision to homeschool and I have learned a thing or two about "true vs. truth."

     "True VS. Truth"

True:     Teachers have a lot of experience.  They work with children every day.  They have been trained on how to present information and make lesson plans and create a scope and sequence.  There are some amazing teachers out there who my child could benefit from.   I do not have the same kind of training or experience. 

Truth:     Teaching my child is more instinctual than I could ever imagine.  I know my child better than anyone knows my child and I know what he/she is capable of and I won't settle for less.  A teacher may accept that my child is incapable of doing a certain level of work but I, as her mother, know better.  

True:  I am completely overwhelmed with my life already.  I have so much to do and no time to do it.  Homework is a major struggle and we are not successful when I try to help her.  

Truth:  Believe it or not, homeschooling is a way to simplify my life.  I am free to create my own schedule around what works best for me and my child.  We can work in the morning when both of us have energy and patience rather than at the end of the night when we are both exhausted.  Homeschooling takes the pressure off of measuring up to what the school wants my child to learn and helps me to work on ONLY the things that are essential.  This gives us MORE time and allows us to cater her work to her level her interests and her abilities.   I feel less stressed now that I am in control and have a complete understanding of my child's academic strengths and limitations.  

True:  I do not know what to teach.  I am afraid that I will ruin my child and she will never graduate from high school or go to college.  

Truth:  I can learn.  There are amazing resources available.  I had to start over in first grade work with my third grader and by fourth grade she was back on grade level.  I have the ability to work with my child on her level.  This enables us to go at her own pace.  We can gain much more ground when we aren't trying to keep up with the other kids in her class.  At school she was sitting through an entire day and getting only thirty minutes of special attention to work on her challenges.  Now she has special attention every day, all day and she is able to make progress at a much faster pace. 

True:  I can't imagine being with my children all day every day!  I need a break!

Truth:  Homechooling looks and feels different.  I learned how to be with my kids and my kids learned how to be with each other.  We learned how to go grocery shopping and to the doctor's office without killing each other.  I learned how to have more patience.  I actually enjoy being with my kids more than I ever thought I would.  

True:  My child loves the social aspect of school.  I couldn't possibly take that away from her. 

Truth:  My daughter has more friends now than she ever did at school.  She goes to theater, art, and science classes.  I take her to park days and field trips.  She is even involved in a tween club that gets together to do arts and crafts.  She has had more fun homeschooling and has interacted with more friends than she ever did at school.  

True:  I never thought I would homeschool my kids.  I don't think I am the kind of mom that can handle that kind of lifestyle. 

Truth:  I LOVE homeschooling.  I AM the kind of mom that can homeschool her kids!  Homeschooling has been one of the most natural transitions in my life.  It is hard.  I have had to push myself to the outer limits of my abilities.  But, I have been blessed tenfold!  

So what is the truth?  

If I CAN teach my child, You CAN teach your child!  

I hope you too can discover this truth, dear reader.  

Learn more about Nicole.

Special Announcement - The Sentinel

     We are happy to announce that  LDS-NHA has reacquired The Sentinel.  The Sentinel is a weekly publication of articles written by LDS homeschoolers.  It was started by founder, Jolene Irving, in the year 2005 and was a major foundation block of the early establishment of our organization.  When family concerns required Jolene to step away, Dana Wood picked up the torch and has kept it running until now!  We would like to thank Dana for her efforts and dedication to keep it going and are grateful that The Sentinel has found its way back home.  

     What does this mean for you? We have transferred all of the articles onto our blog.  This means that there are almost ten years of articles for you to search.  Please be patient with us as we categorize the articles and list the authors.  In the meantime, you may use the search bar at the top of the blog to search for topics that interest you. 

     We will be continuing The Sentinel here on our blog.  We have put together an amazing team of writers and we are excited to get started.  Please check back often as we will be introducing our writers and posting to our blog regularly.   

Five Habits to a better Homeschool Day

In the short time that I have been homeschooling, I have discovered a few simple habits that make life easier. 

• Wake up before your kids get up.

 This will prove to be one of the most beneficial as well as one of the most difficult habits of them all!  There is something empowering about choosing when you will start your day rather than having it chosen for you by your children.  This is your best bet to squeeze in a little "me" time.  When I wake up before my kids, I feel like I am in control of my day.  This leads me to the next habit . . . 

• Fill your own cup first.

 We have seen it time and time again: the flight attendant stands up in the front of the crowd to give the speech and demonstration on the importance of putting on your own oxygen mask first.  Same concept here.  You can truly give to your children when you have met your own needs first.  What are your needs?  For me it is exercise (preferably outside in the fresh air), scripture reading, prayer, and hello, a shower!  Once I have done these things I am ready to face my children and my day.  

• Enlist the troops.  

Don't be a martyr.  You cannot do this alone.  Homeschooling is a family affair so you are going to have to get everyone involved.  Even if your kids are little, they can still help out.  Giving your kids responsibilities in the home helps them to gain confidence, self respect, and will give them a sense of belonging and importance.  

• Learn to multitask.  

No one ever said that learning has to take place at a desk.  Listen to your child read while you are folding laundry, discuss the civil war with your sixth grader while you make dinner, do spelling and math drills in the car on the way to activities.  There are ways to fit it all in.  You just have to scoot on over and make room.

• Focus on the positive.

 Sometimes progress in homeschooling is not measurable.  There are principles being learned that may not be seen for years to come.  Focus on the small and simple successes.  I love this quote by Pres. Uchtdorf 

Written by- Nicole Carter