Forward With Faith

by Kelly Royster

I remember when I first considered the idea of homeschooling. I was gung-ho and confident until the big yellow school bus came by and picked up everyone’s kids but mine. Then reality hit; what was I thinking?? Fortunately I had armed myself with a small arsenal of knowledge that really helped me confront some of the scarier issues that beginning homeschoolers face, such as homeschooling within the law, curriculum choices and the dreaded ‘s’ word (socialization!) Perhaps you have some of these same fears. Or maybe you just want to connect with other Moms who have been there and done that and see what life in the thick of homeschooling looks like. If so, then I have a suggestion for you! The LDSHE Beginner’s Seminar! It’s a day full of classes that address these very issues and more.

When I first considered home education I was worried about reporting to the “authorities.” I wanted to make sure I turned in the correct information for testing, attendance and whatever else might be required. The Legal How-To's class addresses how to dot all i’s and cross all t’s when working with school administrators. It also deals with record keeping so you have the information needed to keep track of your child’s progress.

I wasn’t as worried about my ability to teach as much as I was worried about what to teach and when to teach it. And with the ever-increasing number of homeschoolers, more and more great curriculum is available. How does one choose and why? What is a classical education? Or TJEd? The Curriculum Conundrums class addresses the different homeschooling philosophies and curriculum choices and helps you sort through them to discover what direction you may want to take your family’s education. At the end of this class there will be a curriculum browse giving you the chance to look at actual curriculum and talk to other moms about why and how a particular program worked for their family.

And of course my mother in law was worried about my kids not being ‘normal’ or socialized like other children. Maybe your husband is worried about your son playing high school football. Sports, Socialization and Grandparents is a class that covers these topics and helps you address the concerns of well-meaning family and friends.

One of the best things about the Seminar is the opportunity to hear from ‘veteran’ homeschool Moms and glean wisdom from those who are in the trenches of home education. The Daily Routines class follows three different Moms through a day in the life of their homeschool. You’ll get an idea of how a typical day at their house looks and gain some ideas for your own school day. There will also be plenty of one on one time with these Mentor Moms during the curriculum browse, during breaks and at the end of the day during our Mix and Mingle with Mentor Moms.

This is an LDS Conference and the day wouldn’t be complete without a class that emphasizes the opportunity we have to offer our children a uniquely LDS education. How can we best apply gospel principles in the education of the little ones entrusted to our care? We live in the “great and terrible” day of the Lord and our children can be the great among the terrible if we nourish them with knowledge and intelligence.

Kelly is a Virginia native and currently resides in Louisa County, VA with her husband Scott, her four beautiful daughters ages 6-14, and a new baby. Kelly attended BYU and received a BA in Linguistics and a TESL Certificate. She grew up dancing, and while at school, she performed with the BYU Theatre Ballet, touring across the western US and South Africa. Currently a full-time homeschool mom, she teaches ballet at a local studio and to the gymnasts at her daughter's gym. Kelly also enjoys gardens, chickens, herbs, reading, music, camping and learning languages.

Something's Got To Give...

It was almost with a sense of glee that I erased events off my calendar when my children all came down with the flu this winter. I only felt the tiniest bit of guilt as I thought about how great it was going to be to just sit around and read books and watch movies together and not go anywhere. It crossed my mind that those feelings might be an indication that we were over-scheduled, but it wasn’t until sometime in December that I realized we really had a problem. In between an insane amount of running around, I was spending more time daydreaming about having a mental breakdown than I was enjoying the Christmas season. When the thought of losing your mind, so you can get out of your commitments, seems like a good idea, you know something’s got to give!

Everyone kept telling me, you need to learn to say “no”. Saying “no” wasn’t the problem; I could say no to lots of things: I said “no” to my exercise time; I said “no” to sitting down and eating a healthy breakfast; I said “no” to sleep; I said “no” to my visiting teachers when I didn’t have time for their visit; I said “no” to devotional when our morning was just too crazy; and I even said “no” to the sign-up sheet at church asking us to make center pieces for the ward party.

The problem wasn’t that I couldn’t say “no”, it was that I kept saying “yes” to my kids: “yes” you can take dance lessons, yoga and piano; “yes” I will drive you to swim team, theater practice, robotics, book club, and scouts; “yes” you can get another new pet, and I will drive to the pet store every week to get it fresh crickets; “yes” I will spend hours every week volunteering at your co-ops; “yes”, my little one, you can crawl into my bed in the wee hours of the morning; and “yes”, my teenagers, you can keep me up talking half the night.

I want to give my kids everything. I want them to have access to every educational opportunity, to be exposed to great ideas and great people, to have friends and time to socialize with other kids.  I want them to feel that my time and attention is always at their disposal. I also want them to have a mother who is sane, one who doesn’t wish illness on them so she can have two minutes to breathe.

So, we started to cut things out. It was a painful process for all of us. We dropped out of dance lessons, book club, theater and one of our co-ops. I’m working on enforcing how early and late my kids can demand my attention. Overall, life has been much more peaceful and mom has been a lot less grumpy, but I still alternate between feeling grateful for the space on the day’s schedule and feeling like there’s enough room to squeeze something else in. I just have to remind myself that every commitment I make is taking away opportunities for spontaneous activities, family bonding and peaceful reflection. I need quiet time in my life to be the mother who can say “yes” to the most important things in life.

Book Reviews: Getting to the Heart of the Matter

When it comes to kids misbehaving, I think we homeschooling parents see more than the average parent.  We spend more time with our children and take responsibility for more of our families’ lives, so it’s inevitable that we get more parenting practice.

Don’t we all want to be a little more like Atticus in "To Kill a Mockingbird" and a little less like the Wicked Witch of the West?  We hope to be the wise parent who understands her child, who really listens and gently guides the child.

We won’t find advice for this type of parenting in most parenting books.  We do find helpful counsel in the scriptures, most pointedly at the end of D&C 121.  But sometimes it’s nice to get even more specific direction to point us toward our general goals.

I’d like to share some books that are helping me to be a better parent.  These three books all focus on one main idea:  it’s not about whether or not you love your kids.  We assume you love your kids.  It’s about whether or not your kids feel loved.

Gary Chapman’s "The Five Love Languages of Children" is the most famous of these three. This book is part of a series that teaches us how to show our love not in the way we think shows love, but to instead consider what makes the child feel loved.  Chapman describes five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  Then he invites us to thoughtfully determine which language is the main conduit for love for each of our children.  Each language has a chapter that teaches how to use it.  For example, for words of affirmation, he shows us how to increase those words, and also shows why negative words (that we might say while disciplining) are extra-damaging to a child who receives love in that way.

In "Shepherding a Child’s Heart", Tedd Tripp teaches us how each child’s behavior comes from his heart.  Behaviors are just symptoms of what’s going on inside.  The wisest thing I learned from this book is that when a child does something “wrong,” it’s a great teaching opportunity.  So at the ward dinner when Johnny races in front of the elderly ladies to get to the front of the food line, that’s my responsibility to notice that Johnny hasn’t learned yet to consider others’ feelings or what might be expected of him in that public situation.  And that’s my window to gently teach him what to do next time.  I don’t agree with Tripp on everything, but this was a valuable insight:  misbehavior is a teaching opportunity, not a sign that the child is bad.

These first two books are a worthy introduction to the third.  Alfie Kohn’s book "Unconditional Parenting" is not for the faint of heart.  Reading anything by Kohn is intimidating because he questions so many things that are normal in our culture.  And he’s so darn convincing, that if you’re anything like me, you’ll start wishing you had done plenty of things differently.

Kohn takes on not just spanking and punishment, but also common parenting strategies like time-outs, catching your child doing something good, positive reinforcement, and even praise.  And he cites plenty of studies to back all this craziness up.  So beware:  don’t read this book expecting kudos for whatever parenting strategies you’re currently using.  Only read this book if you are interested in questioning the status quo and making positive changes.  Don’t get me wrong.  The changes you make will be positive ones, but it will probably entail letting go of engrained habits.

Kohn begins by showing that what we really mean when we say a child is “good” is that the child doesn’t cause too much trouble for us grownups.  Is that really a valuable goal for us to have for our kids--that they won’t cause trouble for people?  What do we really want for our kids long-term?  Do we want passivity and compliance?  Or would we rather have them become thoughtful people who stand up for what’s right?  If what we want is ethical, compassionate, and honorable behavior from our kids, we have to stop using parenting techniques which lead them in the opposite way.

Kohn teaches us how to show unconditional, non-judgmental love to our children.  When kids (or adults, for that matter) feel emotionally safe, they aren’t afraid to tell us if they do something wrong, and they’re more open to our teaching and advice.

I’ve had experiences with kids who refuse to talk to me, answering every question with “I don’t know.”  And I’ve also had experiences with kids being honest and unafraid to tell me about a problem they’re having.  You can guess which experience I prefer.

If you’re worried that unconditional love might be code for “the kids do whatever they want,” don’t be.  Unconditional love simply means that your love and your comfort are constant—whether the child is pleasing you at that moment or not.  When I ponder the way Heavenly Father and Jesus parent me as their child, this unconditional love is what I feel.  They have encouraged and forgiven and helped me even when—especially when—I least deserved it.  I’m forever thankful for the way they treat me, and I hope to learn how to consistently treat my kids the same way.

The kinds of relationships that we can develop with our kids when we show them the same respect we would like to receive gives us much more influence with them than we will have if we rely on rewards and punishments.  With the latter, we essentially teach them that they should always please us. But if we keep our eyes on our long-term goals for our kids, we can be less judgmental and less discouraging toward them, which will help our kids come to us when they need help and be open to our (hopefully inspired) guidance. And won’t we be better able to bring up our children in light and truth when we can teach and guide them instead of just bossing them around?

Instead of conversations that let them know only that we’re displeased, we can have conversations that help them think about how their actions affect other people, help them see what they could do differently next time, or help them learn how to repent.  This kind of heart-to-heart can happen only when the child feels emotionally safe, and only if we’re looking past the behavior into the child’s true essence.  Kohn repeatedly reminds us that behind the most destructive thing done and the most unkind word said is a vulnerable child.

Gary Chapman’s and Tedd Tripp’s books can easily be called inspiring, while to say that  Alfie Kohn is provocative is an immense understatement.  Still, we homeschoolers are investing so much time in our kids that we have an extra incentive to build good relationships and make that time positive, happy, and Spirit-filled.  And for those goals, all three of these authors have constructive ideas which are helping at least this mom become a better parent.

P.E. a Problem? Kids (and Moms) Like to Move It!

I have heard many a homeschooling mother ask questions to the affect of, “How do you get your kids to do P.E.?”  It’s made me laugh out loud. “Are you kidding me?” I’ve thought to myself.  My question has always been, “How do you get your kids to STOP doing P.E.?”  It just goes to show that we all have different strengths and challenges.  (And we should never laugh at each other.)

From baseball to basketball, sledding to fox ‘n’ geese, laser tag to Just Dance™, swimming to hiking, I have a much harder time getting my kids to hold still.  They even bounce their legs and/or dance with their upper body while doing their schoolwork.  None of us can sit “normally” in a chair for very long—it’s actually painful.  Because my children are such movers and shakers, and because they are heavily involved in organized sports leagues, I’ve never worried about them getting enough exercise.  But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t still physical things for us all to learn or that winter doesn’t challenge us.

Below is a list of ideas for incorporating more physical education into your homeschool, all year long.

Begin with the basics.

*Start with teaching and practicing some basic skills such as playing catch with a baseball, dribbling a basketball, doing jumping jacks, jumping rope, walking a balance beam, doing a somersault, etc. You may think these things trivial, but they are essential for developing coordination, both physically and mentally.

*Teach the basic rules of play of a variety of common sports and give them a try. (This can mean try a recreational league, or just give it a go in family home evening.) You never know, your children may discover talents and passions that lead in the direction of their life’s mission.  Even if you’re not a particularly athletic family, it’s a good idea to have a basic education in sports.  I’ve never wanted my children to have to sit something out because they feel physically awkward or athletically uninformed.  I could write a dissertation on the value of sports in children’s lives, but suffice it to say that physical education can be a great tool for building confidence.  Many social skills are learned in organized sports as well.

*Learn and/or make up lots of different physical games.   Many ideas are just a click away on the internet, or you can get a good game book like “The Pocket Guide to Games” by Bart King.

*Go and do.  Set aside days in your homeschool schedule for hiking and biking and enjoying the seasons.

Having enough bodies.  Many physical activities require a larger number of people than you have in your family.

*Adapt games to your family size.  My husband will divide our kids into 2 teams and then play quarterback both ways in flag football.

*A group in Utah County, Utah arranged a P.E. program with a local university.  The undergraduates in the university’s physical education program “practice” on a group of homeschoolers, benefiting everyone.

*Organize a homeschool P.E. day once a week or twice a month, or whatever your needs are.  Use a park or someone’s yard.  A group where I live was able to use the gym at the National Guard armory at one point while one of the Guard’s homeschooling fathers was teaching self defense there.

*Find a professional who is willing to give a group discount for doing a class in the middle of the day.  When coaches and teachers find there’s an untapped resource before 4:00 pm, they’re happy to offer something like karate or gymnastics to groups of homeschoolers.

The challenge of winter.

*Embrace the season.  Besides sledding (which naturally requires lots of uphill climbing that is good for the heart) there is also snowshoeing, cross country skiing, and of course downhill skiing to enjoy.

*When many roads are icy and crowded, church parking lots are often clear and empty.  Load up your car with bikes and skateboards and head to the parking lot for a safe riding zone.

*Visit an indoor fitness or recreation center.  If you live in the right place, you can do almost anything indoors, including running, swimming, and tennis.

*Winter is a good time to check out exercise DVDs.  The whole family can give it a try!  Videos on belly dancing and tai chi also enhance social studies lessons.

*I have some kids who really work up a sweat dancing with Just Dance™.  Some video games can be healthy!

*Speaking of dancing, just turn on some music and move!

*Make hopscotch squares with carpet remnants.  Our squares have been hopped on a lot over the years.

Equipment and other costs—managing what isn’t free.

*Used tennis rackets, baseball bats and other equipment can be found in thrift stores or classifieds.

*Ask for these things for gifts.  One Christmas my husband’s brother surprised us with an indoor basketball arcade game that has been a lifesaver on many a day too cold to go outside.

*We cashed in my husband’s frequent flier miles from business trips to get a free ping pong table.

*Lift tickets, recreational center passes, bowling alley gift cards, etc. can all be given as gifts from you to your children for birthdays and holidays.

*Reward systems can be set up to make a trip to an indoor trampoline park or a soft play climbing gym or the rental of snowshoes a goal everyone is trying to earn with behavior or schoolwork or chores.

Moms like to move it, too!

As much as I’d like to be my old skinny self, for me fitness is more about being able to go and do the things my kids are doing.  I want to be able to have a foot race with them and not need CPR.  For the most part, just doing what they’re doing and playing right along with them is good enough.  My now high school baseball pitchers started out playing as much catch with me in the middle of the day as they ever did with their dad after work.  But as my kids have grown and advanced in their athletic goals, I find myself more on bleacher duty watching them than on active duty moving as much as they do.  A few more quick ideas for adding movement to a mom’s day:

*Stash a set of small hand weights on the bookshelves.  Work your arms while your children read aloud.

*Listen to music while folding laundry or doing dishes and dance during your chores.

*When things get testy and tense, jump up and call a jumping jacks contest, with you leading the way.  It burns calories and frustrations.

*During recess, don’t just send the kids out to play.  Go out with them and take a brisk walk around the block or demonstrate a jump rope game from your own childhood.

Exercise and physical education are important. As a woman who has found exercise to be absolutely necessary in maintaining not just physical but also mental and emotional health for myself, and as a mother who has seen the behavior and focus benefits from sports and activity in my children’s lives, I hope everyone will find ways to “move it.”

The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook

Raymond and Dorothy Moore's The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook has a subtitle: A Creative and Stress-Free Approach to Homeschooling. It's a fairly accurate title—I would say Less-Stress since nothing important is ever stress-free for me--but this is one of those homeschooling books that I can happily re-read, over and over.

Often called the grandparents of homeschooling, the Moores researched and became champions of homeschooling 50 years ago, long before HSLDA, ABeka, or homeschooling blogs came on the scene. Their research and the educational method they subsequently promoted seem almost revolutionary on the face. Yet their logic is sound, and their homeschooling method truly is low-stress, low-cost, and high-success.

I was a teenager when I read my first book by the Moores: Better Late Than Early. (It’s true: I was an odd child who was interested in educational theories even then. Plus, I disliked school intensely and was thrilled to find experts who felt the same way.) The subject of that book was their research on when children should begin their formal educations. The Moores found that, contrary to popular opinion, children do best when formal (sit-down, study by book or lecture) education is delayed until at least age 8-10 or even 12, especially for boys. Academically and socially, in behavior and maturity, the children with late starts on "book learning" did best.

The reason these kids did so well academically is that after 8-12 years of happy exploration in the world, their knowledge base was so wide and their confidence in themselves so high, that formal academics seemed very easy to them. Academically, the delayed children breezed past the kids who began formal study in preschool or kindergarten.

My mom was a piano teacher and she taught me the same principle when I was a child by making me wait until I was 8 to start lessons. Speaking generally and not specifically, of course, it doesn’t matter if you start learning piano at 5 years old or at 8 years old--by 10 years old you will probably have equal ability. The difference lies in the attitude toward the piano at age 10. The early-starter has had to work so hard at it for so long that piano practice might have become a chore instead of a joy. The late-starter has had a much easier time learning to read music and placing his fingers on the right keys at the right time. He quickly moves through the primer level and immediately advances to playing more satisfying "real songs," so he is rewarded with enjoyment and achievement when he sits down to play.

They have the same ability at age 10, but their attitudes are far different. Which one, do you think, will be more advanced in their piano studies at age 15? I believe their attitudes at age 10 will determine their enthusiasm and desire to practice in the future. And in the end, there’s a good chance that the late-starter will not only enjoy the piano more than the early-starter, but will also play with more skill. There are certainly exceptional children who started playing the piano early and go on to great things, but for my mom at least, they were the exceptions rather than the rule. What my mother found to be true with her piano students often holds true for academic subjects also (learning languages is one big exception).

I have used some of the Moores' late-starting method with my children, which really ties in with John Holt's unschooling while the kids are young. My three older kids are anecdotal evidence that waiting works: they sped through the traditional college preparatory subjects in just a few years and were ready for college at 16. (Incidentally, we found that 16 year olds starting college is not necessarily a good thing, but that’s a story for another time.) More important than speeding through academics though, is that the Moores gave us a satisfying way to homeschool, focusing on the big priorities and preparing kids for life, not just for college.

So what is the Moore Method?

Up until kids are at least 8-12 years old, the parent should. . .

  • Read, sing, and play with your children.
  • Identify their interests and help them find real books and experiences to explore those interests. Give them real tools (kitchen, shop, yard or desk), encyclopedias, and magazines.
  • Have them help around the house: "Start your children to work when they start to walk. Add freedom as they accept responsibility."
  • Give them opportunities to serve others.
  • Basically, give your kids an interesting and enriching environment.

When the children are older, there are three parts to the Moore Formula: study, work, and service.

  1. Study. 30-180 minutes per day, using as few boring workbooks or school methods as possible. (Think of all the lovely ideas out there from wonders like Charlotte Mason and Maria Montessori). The thing to note here is that the amount of time spent on “school work” is quite short--three hours maximum, and that only for the oldest teenagers.
  2. Work. 30-180 minutes per day. Kids spend at least as long as study time on household chores and running their own businesses. The novelty here is the large amount of time spent on real work, and the emphasis on kids running their own businesses or helping in a family business.
  3. Service. Times will vary--serving at home, in the neighborhood, and in the community. We don’t often see an emphasis on service outside of the church, but the Moores place it front and center, as a major part of the curriculum.

The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook gives a good introduction and explanation of the Moore Method, plus it includes lots of real-life stories from families who have used it. I enjoy reading about other families’ experiences with the study/work/service tripod. They offer lots of food for thought, and they demonstrate the advantages children gain by working and serving throughout their school day. This is an extremely valuable book, and I count it at the top of my homeschooling book list, right next to John Holt's books.

Since I have such a high opinion of both the Moores and John Holt, let me add a side note about the differences between the two methods. The small disparities between the Moore Method and unschooling don't arise until children are older. While the Moores suggest 8-12 as appropriate ages to begin small amounts of formal study, John Holt would say to delay that formal study until (more accurately, unless. . . ) the child requests it. The Moores would have you make certain that your children incorporate work and service into their schedules. And Holt would say that kids will incorporate work and service into their schedules on their own, as they see you modeling those things. Both methods completely agree that most traditional school methods like textbooks, lectures, and tests, are rarely helpful and often harmful.

Because the Moores and John Holt were the first homeschooling advocates, back when homeschoolers were hiding their kids in the daytime, it’s worth our time to see why they thought homeschooling surpassed traditional schooling. They didn’t say to take kids out of school to keep them away from drugs or sex or non-Christian lifestyles, even though those might be appropriate reasons. In the beginning of modern homeschooling, the choice was about educational methods and the very definition of education. So I’ll follow the pattern set for me by the first homeschooler I ever met, and I recommend these authors to everyone interested in homeschooling. I hope they’ll be as much help to you as they have been to me!

Beating the Cabin Fever Blues...

This winter has been cold and snowy. Very different from last year. My kids have been stuck inside since Christmas due to either below zero temperatures or lots of snow. With a house full of boys, cabin fever sets in quick!

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A few days ago I grabbed off the bookshelf “The Kids Winter Handbook” by Jane Drake and Ann Love. It is a great resource for fun winter ideas, both inside and out. It has science experiments, craft projects, things to do in the snow and ice, family activities, games and kitchen projects to do.   Everything you need to beat the “I’m bored and I don’t know what to do” blues.

The pictures are of my boys making snow goggles. Just the thing for their hike through the back yard with the dogs! Here are some other books to try:

“The Kids Winter Fun Book: Homespun Adventures for Family Fun”  by  Claire Gillman and Sam Martin

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“12 Snow Days of Winter” (For Chilly Days Indoors, Perfect for Beginner Readers)

And to get you started right away here’s an ebook you can download today!

“25 Winter Craft Ideas: Easy Indoor Crafts for Kids” by Monica Van Zandt

Parable of the Peach Trees

When we bought our current house, the first thing we did was to plant a half-acre orchard with apple, plum, cherry, apricot, pear, and peach trees. We planned, plotted, and planted, dreaming of fresh juicy goodness at our fingertips and shelves stocked with endless bottles of fruit. In our inexperienced naivety, we thought only of the blessings of the harvest, not anticipating the trials of pests and problematic weather. We didn’t foresee the years of despair over a late or early freeze and the subsequent loss of a year’s worth of fruit, or the years of overwhelm from a bumper crop with its sticky floors, fruit flies, lack of sufficient jars, and fruit rotting faster than I could get it preserved. We also didn’t foresee the valuable lessons in work and family and responsibility that would come from our small field, and I certainly didn’t plan on the object lesson of a lifetime that would finally teach me something I desperately needed to learn.

I have three peach trees. This past summer these trees produced profusely and I was downright drooling in anticipation. I watched them and worried them, willing the weather to be kind and helpful. As the blossoms turned to small green balls, I was protective, and greedy. Now, I grew up around fruit trees and I know that I should thin the fruit. This means removing unripe fruit from crowded clusters, allowing remaining fruit room to grow. But I wanted every single peach hanging on those trees and just could not bring myself to pull a single one.

As summer progressed, each tree somehow had a different destiny. One tree, through freezing or the wind, naturally thinned itself. It offered fruit, but only single peaches well spaced on the tree. These peaches grew to be perfectly sized and flavored. The other 2 trees bore burdens of copious crop; one poor tree succumbed to the weight of the load and the branches broke cruelly, nearly destroying the tree. Devastated at the damage my greed had caused, I then tried to thin the peaches on the third tree. It helped lighten the heaviness and thus preserved branches, but at that point it was too late to affect the fruit much and what we harvested were very small peaches with little fleshy goodness.

As I compared the trees and their produce, I was struck by obvious parallels between the contributions of my peach trees and the contributions of my life: If the fruit I offer is to be the best, I must not try to produce more than I can shoulder and nourish. I must thin out those things that place demands upon me, even sometimes when their blossoms are beautiful and I want that particular fruit.

This personal parable reminded me of some profound expounding Brent L. Top did on the story of Mary and Martha in his book Living Waters. Of the many wonderful things he wrote on the subject, this particular paragraph hit home: “The Savior told Martha, ‘Thou art careful and troubled about many things.’ He was acknowledging her conscientiousness but also reminding her that her conscientiousness in some ways had become a weakness. The phrase ‘troubled about many things’ could also be interpreted as, ‘You are distracted. Your attention and efforts are divided, and as a result, all that you do is less effective.’ In our day, the Lord has commanded us to be ‘anxiously engaged in a good cause’ (D&C 58:27), but that doesn’t mean we have to be anxiously engaged in every good cause. Trying to do all things or be all things to all people all the time results in Martha-like frustration. I believe we must learn, like Martha, that being cumbered with over-involvement in too many good causes can actually divert us away from the things that matter most. Martha wasn’t sinning or being evil in any way. All of her efforts and attentions were drawn to doing good for someone else (in this particular case, the Savior). But instead of finding fulfillment and peace and joy in her labors, she was more frustrated and worn out than ever. She thinks the problem is Mary—for not helping out with all of the preparations—but the real problem is Martha herself—for being over-involved and distracted from that which mattered most.”

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While it’s hard to thin peaches, it’s harder to thin out the many things in our lives asking for attention and energy. In fact, it can be positively painful. But it’s not as painful as cracking under too much weight. It’s not as painful as realizing that as “by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:16-20,) not only what type of fruit you produce, but the fruit’s value is revealed as well. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “I have been quoted as saying, ‘Do the best that you can.’ I do wish to say that it be the very best.” Doing your very best doesn’t necessarily mean doing the most. Best alludes to quality, not quantity. The best peaches weren’t the loads of small ones with little flesh around the core, but the ones with lots of room to grow and develop.

In the thinning process, it’s not always easy to look at a cluster of peaches and know which ones should be sacrificed for the good of the tree and the fruit that will ripen. Likewise, it’s hard to know what to trim from our lives. Top continues, “Just as Martha was, we need to be stopped dead in our tracks once in a while and examine what we are doing and why we are doing it. Eternal priorities absolutely must guide our lives and actions and choices…” He asks, “How many things in your life—good, desirable, honorable, righteous things—are actually getting in the way of the ‘good part,’ an intimate relationship with God? As C.S. Lewis wrote, ‘God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full—there’s nowhere for Him to put it.’”

Finally, we cannot discuss fruit without mentioning the most precious produce—our children. How horrifying would it be at harvest to find the fruit of our loins as under-nourished and under-developed due to either greed for personal yield or distraction and overwhelm. Neither is acceptable. Elder William R. Bradford of the Seventy counseled Saints in general conference to unclutter their lives of diversionary encumbrances. “We need to examine all the ways we use our time, our work, our ambitions, our affiliations, and the habits that drive our actions. . . . A mother should never allow herself to become so involved with extras that she finds herself neglecting her divine role.” (“Unclutter Your Life,” Ensign, May 1992, 28.)

As this New Year begins, I hope we’ll all have the courage and conviction to perform the necessary thinning in our lives that we may cultivate the most excellent fruit possible.